Multi-Verse drabbles
by RUGoing2writethat
Summary: This is a series of one shots of alternate universes to Harry Potter. Some are funny, some not, some dark, some light, some this, some that. No slash. Dedication in first chapter. Read and Review. Rated T to be safe. Any Harry Potter world/setting is covered. Will always included at least 1 of the Golden trio and/or Albus D. Some bashing but not every chapter.
1. Chapter 1

**FIRST AND FOREMOST: I AM NOT ABANDONING CHILD PRODIGY V2. I am at a point that I am a little blocked, so this plot bunny decided to hop up and demand attention. **

**To sum it up: This is a series of one shots story about many alternate universes. Unless stated in the AN beginning each chapter, the AU should be Harry Potter by default. It would also indicate a crossover in the Chapter Title. On to the story.**

**Standard Disclaimer applies to all chapters. I don't own Harry Potter nor any canon or other ideas legally belonging to their respective owners. Specific Disclaimer will appear in each chapter. This disclaimer is for all Harry Potter related AU that do not have other fictions within, such as Doctor Who. **

**I do not own the idea for multiple universes, that is the idea being the quantum theory that there resides and exists multiple realities. I did get the idea to write this particular series of one shots from that theory. I also own the idea, unless otherwise stated, behind each chapter. **

**Dedicated to Jostanos, for being an AWESOME beta, to RiverHolly13086 for being an awesome writer, to VivyPotter for her Many Potters of Little Hangleton story and allowing me to beta. Dedicated to each and every one of my readers and reviewers and those who have me as their favorites, as well as each of MY favorite authors. Dedicated to creativity and to all future creative writers. Dedicated to all the Greats of Literature who gave us things like Moby Dick and The Time Machine and War of the Worlds, as well as modern greats like J.K. Rowling. Dedicated to imagination. **

**And of course, last but not least, dedicated above all to my God and creator. **

**Characters will be different for each chapter, but will always include one of the Golden Trio and more than likely Albus Dumbledore as well. **

**AU 00147 – The Universe is on Fire Whiskey**

**Beta-ed by both Jostanos and RiverHolly13086**

**Characters: Minerva, Dumbles, Harry, Hermione, and Winky. Fred and George mentioned only. **

"How did this happen Mr. Potter?" said Minerva McGonagall. They were in her official Deputy Head's Office. This matter was too serious to leave up to Dumbledore. Albus may have been brilliant, but he was SO very lax when it came to rules and punishments. So there they were, Albus, Ms. Granger, and Mr. Potter, trying to solve this issue. Of course Severus wasn't here as it didn't concern him, even though Albus tried to insist, Minerva was sure that he was not needed, especially after his rude comments. If her son had used such language, he'd been hit with a spanking hex that would have left him standing for a week, which was exactly what happened when her son was 13! As it was, Minerva just had to use a triggered mouth-soap charm that would soap up Severus's mouth every time he spoke certain words, which were usually about Potter. He'd been soaped a good 18 times at the staff meeting before Albus made her cancel the charm.

"Well, Mr. Potter, this is your chance to explain, so explain," said Minerva.

"Well Professor, you see, it was right after our Quidditch victory when the twins brought in something to celebrate. I didn't know what it was so…" said Harry. Hermione snorted.

"Harry, this was the fourth time you've had fire whiskey so don't lie," said Hermione.

"Of course, but those other times, it was barely a sip and you know that was given to me by Madam Promphrey," said Harry.

"Wait, why did Poppy give you fire whiskey?" asked Albus.

"Medical reasons; a spoonful of fire whiskey given right before a dreamless sleep or a nutrition potion causes the potion to settle better the first time either are taken. As I threw up the skelegrow she gave me in my second year, she had to give me some then. Few people know that fire whiskey is actually made with the same ingredients as the anti-allergy potion but in different quantities and in a different order. In fact, it was the only anti-allergy potion for a while, until they developed the non-alcoholic version. Anyway, she gave me a spoon of fire whiskey so I could take the skelegrow as I am allergic to it otherwise," said Harry.

"Why not give you the anti-allergy potion," asked Minerva.

"Snape refuses to brew it; he says it's beneath him, but he won't even have his classes brew it," said Harry, "And her budget is not enough to buy all the potions she needs that Snape won't brew, so she makes do with Fire Whiskey and a few other subsitutes."

Minerva glared at Albus. He promised to have a talk with Severus. In reality, Severus couldn't brew the anti-allergy potion, or most other healing potions; they were beyond his skills. He may have been Britain's youngest Potions master, but he was also one who barely passed with one point to spare, making him Britain's least competent potions master as well. It was probably why his potions tasted like centaur droppings. Throughout Great Britain, every single potions master wondered what possible reason could Albus have for hiring such an incompetent dunderhead.

"Anyway, I had never actually had fire whiskey by itself before as somehow Madam Pomphrey is able to make it non-alcoholic before she gives it to a patient. I think she said it was the powdered bezoar that neutralized the alcohol. So when Fred and George told me that it was a stronger version of butter beer, I foolishly accepted a bottle and drank it. They had put the stuff in butterbeer bottles so I didn't know. After one bottle I felt quite different. I went down to the kitchens to visit Dobby and get some food to settle my stomach. As I went to the kitchens the Fire whiskey took effect, and I became quite drunk. When I got to the kitchens I noticed that Winky's dress was quite fetching, when it was cleaned, and that she was actually quite pretty. I told her this. One thing led to another, and the next morning I woke up, in the house elf quarters, naked, with a naked Winky in my arms. Even today, I don't remember every detail but I can tell you at least this much, Winky was quite willing, and I may have bonded her to me as my house elf," said Harry, "I had to Hermione, she was dying. House Elves need their master to bond with them because if they don't, their magic begins to consume them, which is a very painful death. I bonded with Dobby too, but I didn't do anything else with him."

Harry then turned to Professor McGonagall, "I apologize for taking away one of Hogwart's House Elves. I will order her to stay here and work until I graduate if you wish," said Harry.

"That's not the issue, Mr. Potter. You see, and this is what Poppy told me this morning…and this is something that is supposed to be impossible but Poppy said that knowing your luck, she's not that surprised," said Minerva, trailing off.

"What is it?" asked Hermione.

"Winky is pregnant," said Minerva.

THWUMP.

Harry fell out of his chair in a dead faint!

**Review please. Virtual Milk and Virtual Chocolate Chip cookies to everyone who reviews. Thank you  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Alternate Universe – 009734 – Opposites:**

**Again, I do not own the theory of multiple realities. I do not own Harry Potter nor any canon concepts, plots, ideas, or other canonical parts of the story. **

**Characters; Harry, Hagrid, and the rest of the teachers, Barty Jr., Tom Riddle Jr. Bellatrix**

**Mentioned: Lily and James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Dark Lord Dumbledore, **Minerva****

**This universe is the opposite in many ways of our universe. Only the major things are opposite. Well, I didn't change James Potter or Sirius Black, very much except to make them extremely lazy or Lily Potter. I didn't change Nymphodora Tonks either, except she's a bookworm and wants to own her own bookstore instead of being an Auror.**

**Mistakes found and fixed**

**Intro: **

Mr. and Dr. Dursley of number four Privet Drive were very proud to say that they were a progressive and forward looking couple. They were proud of how their house stood out from the others on Privet Drive by being a darker shade of tan than the rest, and by having yellow roses and green lilies and blue daffodils. Doctor Petunia Dursley was a botanist, one of the foremost botany experts in all of Great Britain and had a professorship at Oxford University where she taught 3 advanced courses in botany; they lived near Oxford during the school year and commuted during the summer. She also experimented in botany, to create the unique green lilies and blue daffodils that grew in her gardens.

Mr. Dursley was a muscular gentleman and former European Weight Lifting Champion of 1983, 1984, and 1985, a back injury preventing him from competing since then, and he was the owner and operator of Petunias and Lilies, a national chain of flowershops, opened in honor of his wife and sister-in-law.

The Dursleys had a young son named Dudley, who was a healthy and very mild tempered child, who was well behaved for his nanny.

Even though they had a nanny to watch Dudley while Dr. Dursley was teaching and while Mr. Dursley was minding the business, they did not neglect Dudley. Every Wednesday and Saturday night they went to church together as a family and spent all day Sunday, after church, as a family.

They were very proud to be connected to Lily and James Potter and thought of them as fine people. Their son Harry was often invited over to play with Dudley.

It was just too bad that Lily and James were so very poor.

James was from an old pure blood family, which meant that a lot of jobs were closed to him. Lily was a muggleborn, which would have opened the doors for all kinds of opportunities, if only she hadn't let James get her pregnant. Still, they made do on Lily's salary as a healer for St. Mungo's. If only James would get a job but he was lazy and content to wile away his day with Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew who were in the same house as him when they went to school at Hogwarts. Of course, Peter had graduated Hogwarts last year, as Headboy and top of his class, but James and Sirius had failed both their OWLS and their NEWTS, and were currently enrolled in a ministry remedial course to try and get them to pass. Peter tried his best to help them but there was just not much even he could do when James and Sirius refused to study or rather they refused to answer certain questions on their OWLS and NEWTS correctly.

Their fourth friend, Remus Lupin was a werewolf and Junior Assistant to the Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic, a job that he got because of his werewolf status, because Remus was quite stupid. Oh he did manage to pass his OWLS and NEWTS, but just barely.

Little did anyone know that James Potter would die a hero defending his wife and son against Dark Lord Dumbledore. Of course, they did expect that Lily, a brilliant healer and youngest Charms Mistress in centuries, would find a way to protect Harry even from the infamous killing curse.

Dr. Dursley was disturbed to find her nephew on her doorstep and she mourned deeply for her sister. After calling the police and having them investigate, they found that Lily and James Potter supposedly died in a bomb, and Harry was somehow the only survivor. He was hailed as a miracle child in the newspapers for a while. When Harry was about 5, Petunia and Vernon told him the truth about the wizarding world and what happened to his parents, that they didn't die in a car crash, having been killed by a drunken truck driver. They tried to explain all they could about the wizard world, which was made easier by the multiple pamphlets and booklets that Lily's family had been given when she was told she was a witch.

**Harry's trip to Diagon Alley:**

Madam Malkin was a tall, skinny witch, a serious look on her face, dressed in neutral earth tones.

"Hogwarts?" she said when Harry started to speak, "Got the lot here, another young man being fitted up just now, in fact."

In the back of the shop, a boy with a tan, pointed face was standing on a footstool while a second witch pinned up his long black robes. Madam Malkin stood Harry on a stool next to him, slippeda long robe over his head, and began to pin it to the right length.

"Hi," said the boy, "Hogwarts too?"

"Yes," said Harry.

"My Father's next door buying my books and my mother's up the street looking at wands. It was awfully nice that they could both get off work and come up here for my first trip to the alley for school. I'm so happy that my Father got a bonus at work and can afford to buy me new robes as mine were getting old, but I don't mind. I love my mother and father both and sometimes I get to go to work with my mum and help her around the shop. She helps manage the apothecary down the alley. She's going to buy my stuff with her employee discount. That helps us be able to afford getting me my wand. I wish I wasn't pureblood, because if I was muggleborn, then I would be more valuable to society. Well, at least I was raised muggle. My father works at Asda. He's a store manager. The muggles don't know that he's a wizard. Muggles are such fun aren't they?" asked the boy, "My name is Daniel Malfoy, after Daniel in the Bible, one of my favorite books. What's your name?"

"Harry. Harry Potter," said Harry.

"Oh I know about you. My father told me all about how you defeated the Dark Lord Dumbledore and had to go live with your muggle aunt and uncle. What are they like?"

"Oh, my aunt is a professor at Oxford, my uncle owns and operates a national chain of flowershops that just recently got bought out by Asda and Wal-Mart and will open a chain in the states," said Harry, "and our Nanny, a woman named Bella is a very nice lady. We used to have a nanny named Mrs. Figg, but she was fired because she hit me in my head when I asked about my mum and dad," said Harry, "She was taken away to jail because she was found guilty of stealing from her clients. Then, there's my cousin Dudley," said Harry, looking sad, "He has ALS and is in a wheelchair, but I'm hoping that magic can help heal him."

"Well do you know anything about Hogwarts? I was muggle-raised but my parents still told me about the four houses. There is, let's see, Slytherin for the brave and noble and muggleborns, Gryffindor for the ambitious and sly, Hufflepuff for those who love learning and knowledge, and Ravenclaw is for the rest, mostly the leftover purebloods. I'll probably go there because I'm a pureblood unfortunately. Headmaster Tom Riddle was a Slytherin and Dark Lord Dumbledore was a Gryffindor," said Daniel suddenly sounding sad.

Just then Harry's nanny walked in the store, "Harry, dear, are you finished," asked the nanny.

"Aunt Bella?" said Daniel.

"Danny, it's good to see you. How's Cissy?" asked Bellatrix Lestrange, a notorious muggle lover who denounced magic to move to the muggle world. Imagine her shock when she got hired to raise **the** Harry Potter. She was delighted.

Harry and the boy shook hands and Harry was glad to have made his first friend in the wizard world.

**Later:**

They bought Harry's school books in a shop called Borgins and Burkes, a very lovely shop with lots of books, both wizard and muggle. There was a very large section of muggle literature and muggle science-fiction. There were 3 shelves dedicated to Star Trek and another 4 shelves dedicated to Doctor Who. Harry knew these stories well; he had every single book at home, thanks to his and Dudley's love of science-fiction. Bella had to drag Harry away from books such as "Healing for the world" and "Health and magic" and "How to heal almost anything" and "Potions that heal" and "So you want to be a healer," by Gilderoy Lockhart.

He asked the clerk, a young woman named Tonks, "Lockhart is the world's most brilliant healer. A few years ago, people accused him of being a fake, because he's a pureblood, but it turns out, he's not a fake nor a pureblood. Apparently, his grandmother was a muggle. Also he trained in the states at Harvard Medical school after he graduated Beauxbatons," said Tonks, as her hair turned pink, "He's advanced the field of healing by at least 100 years. We've got cures for things we weren't able to cure 15 years ago, like Dragon Pox and Splattergroit."

"What about muggle diseases?" asked Harry, "Do you think he'd look at my cousin?"

"Well, he has started researching muggle diseases, for muggleborn families. Given your fame, I'm sure you could write to him to see if he'd at least consider it," said Tonks, pulling out a business card, "He does a lot of work with my mum and my dad, who are Healers at the new hospital that they helped build called Ariana Memorial Hospital. It's named after Ariana Dumbledore, a witch who became the very first female auror. She died in the line of duty, saving 3 muggleborn orphans from a fire. Aurors are our police and firefighters."

Harry thanked her and left the store. Next stop was Olivander's, a wandmaker and old family but they weren't like other purebloods. For one thing, they always had males, and every single male in their family always married muggles or muggleborn witches. That made them one of the few respected pureblood families.

Harry and Bella approached the building which looked muggle in nature, and like it had just been rennovated. It had a brightly lit neon sign that said, "WANDS" and a picture underneath of someone's hand waving a wand. Harry was pretty sure the picture underneath was magic. A tinkling bell rang somewhere in the shop followed by a loud 'DING DONG' sound that echoed around and around. Harry was sure both were done by magic. There was a small couch by the window, upon which Bella took a seat.

"Ah, Ms. Black, I thought I would see you soon. Ebony, dragon heartstring, 9 inches, good for defense," said Mrs. Olivander, "How is the muggleworld these days deary?"

"It's fine and it's actually Mrs. Polkiss now," said Bellatrix Polkiss, showing her simple gold wedding ring. She had met Jonathan Polkiss, a young man whose wife had been sick with cancer, about 11 years ago. Anne Polkiss died a few weeks after they met. A month later, Jonathan asked her out and they fell in love and got married. They had 3 children, including her stepson Piers. "It will be our tenth year of marriage next week. He's taking me to Canada. Young Harry here is in my charge; I'm his nanny."

"Ah, yes, Mr. Potter. I do hope that you will bring respect back to the Pureblood name of Potter. James was a good lad, but lazy. I don't know why my son Oliver was friends with him. My husband Gary is out today; he's in Romania looking for wand wood. I don't know why, we've got at least seven thousand wands in stock but Gary says that the wand chooses the wizard. Ah well, let's get started Mr. Potter. Please extend your writing hand. That's a lad. Now," said Mrs. Olivander, as she stepped away and the measuring tape began to measure him on its own. "That'll do" said Mrs. Olivander and the tape crumpled on the floor.

"Now, the measurements indicate that you would be compatible with ebony, holly, and ash, and that your most compatible core would be unicorn hair. Let's try these shall we, the first one is ebony, unicorn hair, 7 inches" said Mrs. Olivander. He tried many different woods and core combinations but they didn't seem to work as well. Some were compatible but not ideal. Then Mrs. Olivander stopped and tapped her chin, "I wonder, perhaps...let's try, apple and unicorn hair, an unusual combination as apple is not usually a wand wood, but Gary found an apple tree that was planted in a magical greenhouse.

Harry tired the wand, and was a success, giving off yellow and purple and gold and blue sparks.

"Ah yes, the perfect wand for you. Good Day Mr. Potter," said Mrs. Ollivander.

They walked out of the wandshop, their shopping at an end for the day.

**Journey to Hogwarts Summary: **

_Harry met quite a few people on the train. There was Ron Weasley, a halfblood wizard, with dyed blue, green, and yellow hair, raised in both worlds, Hermione Granger, a 3__rd__ generation pureblood, Neville Longbottom another halfblood. His mom was a muggle and he knew almost nothing about magic until his letter came, due to his dad having been killed as an Auror while putting out a fire shortly after they were married and him being raised by her in the muggle world. His gran never told him he was a wizard until the letter came because he didn't do much accidental magic so they didn't know if he was a wizard or a muggle. His gran didn't want to tell him about magic just to have him be disappointed and jealous if he turned out to be a muggle. So she kept it from him; he knew that she taught at an exclusive school and you had to pass some sort of special test, and that not even she could get him in if he failed the test, but that's all he had known. Now, of course, he knew about Hogwarts because he'd gotten his letter. _

_It was Percy Weasley who gave them some advice about the teachers.  
><em>"There are 4 professors for each of the core subjects, Defensive Magic, Charms, Transfiguration, and Potions. You want to get Professor Snape for Defensive if you can; he's good at his subject and loves teaching. For charms, you want Professor Longbottom, she's the foremost expert on charms in Great Britain; if you can't get her, then get Professor Pettigrew. You want to get Professor Flitwick for transfiguration if possible but Professors Fudge and Prewett are very competent. Professor Fudge is really easy in the first year but he gets harder in second and third years. You also have Professor Prewett this year. She is the world's top transfiguration expert, recognized 17 times by the ICW, but she is very strict and gives a lot of work. She doesn't usually teach the first years, only the fifth, sixth and seventh years, but Professor Walburga Black passed away in August, so they haven't had time to hire a replacement, but Headmaster Riddle is trying. Deputy Headmaster Orion Black is not here because he's in mourning for his ex-wife, so Professor Prewett is acting Deputy. If you get any of the others, they are good teachers too, but I haven't had any of them. My first and second year, I had Professor Fudge for transfiguration, for charms I had Professors Longbottom and Pettigrew. Professor Pettigrew is a muggleborn witch and is very good at teaching. I had Professor Prewett last year for transfiguration and scored an almost perfect score on my Pre-OWL exam. I've had Professor Snape all 5 years so far, and scored very high on my pre-OWL defense exam. You want to get Professor Hagrid, Filch, or one of the Lestrange brothers for potions as they are all very good teachers, but watch out for the Lestrange brothers; they love and favor muggleborns and halfbloods. Professor Hagrid is the most fair of the four."

**Sorting Summary: **

The door swung open and a short, skinny, red haired witch in Emerald-green robes, stood there. She had a very kind face and a very soft smile.

"The first years, Professor Prewett," said Hagrid.

"Yes, I'll take them from here Hagrid," said Professor Prewett, and she turned and led the first years in. The entrance hall was very grand, but it looked distinctly muggle. In fact, Harry recognized right away as being the same as the entrance hall to Buckingham Palace. He asked Ron Weasley about this and Ron stated that it was to honor the muggles and the muggle Queen. "She's still Sovereign over Wizard Great Britain, and the Minister is her direct liaison," said Ron, "My dad is a halfblood from a family that was 7 generations of pureblood, and my mum is muggleborn. She is the Court Magician to Her Royal Highness the Queen. The Wizengamot, of which my Dad is Chief Warlock, is her representative court. If one is convicted by the Wizengamot, they can appeal to my mum, then the minister, and then directly to the Queen herself if they feel it was unjust. The Wizengamot is mostly halfbloods and muggleborns, the purebloods being kicked off during Dark Lord Dumbledore's reign."

"Now, I don't normally give the introductory speech, as that is Orion's duty, however, I have my own speech to give. You will be sorted into one of four houses. Each house has a long and noble history. You will sit with your house during assemblies, and during dinner, but during breakfast and lunch and afternoon snack, you may sit at whatever table you wish. You are also required to sit with your table at any major feast, and it will be posted in your common room. Common rooms are no longer in the house, due to the increase in the wizard population, we had to rennovate all of the houses to make more dorm rooms. Instead, 2 classrooms near each house are now designated as a study room, with silencing charms and a common room with a place to hang out and play games. Mrs. Umbridge is our caretaker and she sees to the cleanliness of these rooms and asks that you clean up after yourselves. Curfew is at 9PM on weekdays and 10PM on Friday, and Saturday. Sunday we have a small chapel for muggleborns who are religious and is open for prayer during the week. We have a Chaplain on staff, Father Barty Crouch Junior, who will introduce himself during the feast. They should be ready for us now."

She led them into the great hall to be sorted.

**Sorting goes like Canon until we get to Malfoy: **

"Hm, a Malfoy eh, oh ho, and what's this, Muggle raised. I know just what to do with you," said the Hat to Daniel, "SLYTHERIN"

**Then on to Harry's sorting: **

"A Potter, and a halfblood, perhaps you will be more like your mum than your dad. He was quite lazy you know. I know right where to put you," said the Hat.

"Not Gryffindor, Not Gryffindor," said Harry.

"Not Gryffindor? You could be great, and Gryffindor could lead you to greatness," said the hat.

"Not Gryffindor, Not Gryffindor," said Harry.

"I suppose you want to be in Slytherin like your dad and mum," said the Hat, "Very well then, better be SLYTHERIN"

Two identical twins stood up and clapped loudly and with dignity. Percy Weasley was wolf whistling saying, "We Got Potter, We got Potter, OH YEAH!" he said doing an air guitar riff.

The red headed twins rolled their eyes. Later Harry would find out from them that Percy was a notorious prankster, even though he had top marks. They were both Prefects, because the twins never did anything apart. Percy said this was his greatest shame, "You try to raise them right but they turn out like this," said Percy, wiping a fake tear from his eye, "Oh where did I go wrong with you two" as he turned and fake-sobbed into Oliver Wood's, his best friend, shoulder. Oliver Wood was the Head of the Slytherin Study group; he also stated that he absolutely hated Quidditch with a passion. "They should ban the game; it's a bloody stupid menace, always distracting people from important things like studying." The twins were nodding along while Percy had a horrified look on his face,

"Blasphemer. Heretic, how dare you befoul the sacred Qudditch," said Percy.

Oliver rolled his eyes, "Percy is captain of the Slytherin Qudditch team and a fanatic about the subject."

"Yes, and I am going to play for the Chudley Cannons, the best team in the league. They've won the championship 5 years in a row. Of course, if I don't improve our scores this year, I'm likely to end up playing for Puddlemere United, worst team in the world. Ugh," said Percy, then he leaned over and pointed at Harry and said, "Pull my finger" to which the twins and Oliver said, "No, don't do it" and Percy nodded and then let out a very loud fart that had the twins and Oliver coughing and gagging, while Percy looked proud of himself. Hermione looked at Percy with a dreamy look, like maybe he could teach her how to do that?

Headmaster Riddle stood up and clapped his hands, "Everyone, it is good to see our returning students and our new first years as well. The prefects will be having an orientation meeting in the morning during breakfast for all first years. Second through seventh years are not required to attend the meeting but are encouraged to help their fellow first years adapt to the school. Now, please let us join Father Barty, our chaplain. If you are not Christian, there is a ring to the left of your plate which has a special silencing charm on it that will block out the prayer. No one here will judge you if you use it. Also, this year we will be having a new chaplain, Rabbi Benjamin Yaxley, for our Jewish students. We are still trying to get other chaplains for other belief systems."

"Let us bow our heads," said a young man, who was wearing the traditional vestments of a Catholic Priest, "Our Heavenly Father, we thank you for your gift of magic, and for the safe return of our students. We pray that you will lead and guide us this year, helping us to stay on the path of goodness and righteousness and helping us to see humanity as you would see it. Oh Lord, our God, who art worshiped and Glorified, we pray that you will help us to better ourselves and each other. Lead us in our lessons and keep us safe from harm. Be with the professors as they teach the students this year and grant them your wisdom. Be with the students as they learn this year and grant them learning. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto the ages of ages Amen."

After the prayer, he waited until the students who had chosen to use the rings removed the rings and made an announcement, "I will be holding prayer and other services, each Wednesday night and Saturday night and Sunday morning. I will also have open office hours from 8AM to 10AM everyday. From 10AM to 5PM, are my counseling hours, and you will require an appointment except on Fridays, when I have walk in appointments of 15 minutes each. You may come by my office any time and leave a note on the desk in the outer office and I will speak to you at Dinner to setup an appointment. If the inner office is open, it means that I am not with a client and I may have time to speak with you. I will also have some limited appointments on Saturday from 10AM to 3PM. If you wish to serve on the altar, please contact me." He then sat back down.

Harry noticed that he had an American accent and asked the twins about it.

George (or Fred) leaned toward Harry, "That's Father Bartemius Crouch Junior. He has a Master's in Developmental and Adolescent Psychology. He has a Doctorate in Theology from some school in Greece. When he was a kid, his father, a devout follower of the Dark Lord Dumbledore, took him to the states, mainly to escape the stigma of being pureblood and a supporter of Dumbledore. He grew up in the states and attended Salem Institute for Mage-craft, and Harvard College of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He is a very good chaplain; you can talk to him about anything. You also won't get in trouble and you can go to him if a teacher is being unfair or if you feel that a teacher is being mean or negative toward you, and he will do his best to help you," said Fred (or George).

Ron ate with dignity while Hermione and Percy shoved a lot of food into their mouths. Ron just rolled his eyes wondering where Percy got his horrid table manners from. For that matter, he wondered how a supposedly dignified 3rd Generation pureblood could eat like such a pig. Or how she could possibly giggle at Percy's table manners, and laugh out-loud when he farted on purpose.

**Okay I'm going to stop there, because you get the general gist of things. It pretty much continues on like this with people being the opposite of how they were in the books. Percy is a big prankster with horrible manners, the Twins are like canon Percy, Oliver Wood is a study fanatic and hates Quidditch. The Dark Lord Dumbledore in this story that Harry 'defeated' is actually Albus Dumbledore, but his father was a Dark Lord before him. **

**In this AU, prejudice is against purebloods, because they are thought to be killing magic by inbreeding. So, muggleborns are seen as the most valuable members of society and 1****st**** Generation purebloods; Halfbloods are about equal to muggleborns and purebloods are seen as very low in society, often seen as being the products of inbreeding and therefore inferior. So, a 3****rd**** generation would be highly respected and expected to marry a Halfblood, muggle, or muggleborn to preserve the respect of their family.**

** In Hermione's case, all 4 of her grandparents were muggleborns; her parents were considered 2****nd**** Generation and so she is 3****rd**** Generation. Her grandparents and parents have seats on the Wizengamot. Harry's mother would have a seat on the Wizengamot, so he would inherit his mother's seat, being halfblood. However, his father's seat was lost due to being an old pureblood family; the seat was regained when he married Lily. Same with Neville Longbottom, whose mother is a muggle. His father's seat will be given to him when he comes of age. The seats don't go away; they are just suspended until such time as a pureblood from an old line marries a muggle or muggleborn. **

**Arthur Weasley married a Muggleborn witch, also a redhead; he still has his fascination with muggles, which is why he married a muggleborn.**

**Molly Prewett never married; she became a transfiguration mistress and professor at Hogwarts. She is secretly in love with Headmaster Riddle. **

**I also made Barty Jr. a priest because pretty much a priest is the exact opposite of canon Barty Jr., especially one that is true to Christianity and a true follower of Jesus Christ. He's not Roman Catholic; he's Wizard Catholic; they have their own Pope, Gellert Grindelwald, who dueled and defeated Dark Lord Percival Dumbledore, when he was just a Priest. I figure the Pope is the opposite of Grindelwald. **

**Harry defeated Dark Lord Albus Dumbledore. **

**Ariana became the first female Auror as mentioned in the story and Aberforth is minister for magic, a known spotlight loving politician. **

**I figure Abeforth in Canon is the exact opposite of Fudge in canon; so in this story, he is exactly like canon Fudge. **

**Umbridge is the caretaker of the school and loves the children and the children love her. She is kind, gentle, and a generally loving and kindhearted person in this story; In other words, the exact opposite of Canon Umbridge. She is also a squib. Filch, by contrast, is a full wizard and a professor of potions. He is also a very competent teacher and is opposite of his canon self as well, being fair and kind to the students. **


	3. Chapter 3

**AU 00912756490 – Harry Potter the Centaur Who lived**

**I do not own Any Harry Potter canonical concept, idea, or character. I also do not own Centaurs. I do not own the theory of multiple realities. **

**Characters: Harry, Vernon, Petunia, Dudley, Albus, Minerva, and Hagrid**

**Mentioned: Sirius Black, Death Eaters, Lord Voldemort**

**No Horcruxes **

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of Number Four Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were a perfectly normal centaur couple, thank you very much. They were the last 2 centaurs you'd expect to be involved with…the magical centaurs, because they just did not hold with such nonsense.

Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings which made horseshoes. His firm made all kinds of horseshoes. Lady horseshoes, high heeled horseshoes, pink horseshoes, and cushioned horseshoes for the elderly centaur. It was rumored that Queen Elizabeth II herself had a pair of Grunnings cushioned horseshoes and Princess Dianna had a pair of pink horseshoes with rhinestones that were quite stunning. (Of course, they weren't just a piece of metal that went on the bottom of the foot, but rather had leather attached that would wrap around the leg.)

He was a big, beefy centaur with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large mustache. Mrs. Dursley was thin and a blonde chestnut, though the neighbors suspect that she dyed her mane and tail.

The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley and in their opinion, there was no finer Centaur child anywhere.

The Dursleys had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret and their greatest fear was that someone would discover it. They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters.

Mrs. Potter was Mrs. Dursley's sister, but they hadn't met for several years; in fact, Mrs. Dursley pretended she didn't have a sister because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband were as unDursleyish as it was possible to be; they were magical centaurs.

The Dursleys shuddered to think what the neighbors would say if the Potters arrived in the street; most mundane centaurs did not get along with their magical cousins. The Dursleys knew they had a small son too, but they had never even seen him. This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want Dudley mixing with a Centaur child like that.

When Mr. and Mrs. Dursley woke up on the dull, gray Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over the country.

Mr. Dursley hummed as he picked out his most boring tie, saddle and blanket for work. Mundane Centaurs wore saddles, as to them it was a sign of their freedom, from when they rose up hundreds of years ago and overthrew their human masters, exterminating the human species. Rumors were that there were still humans in Australia but Vernon just scoffed at those, as if anyone would allow a human to live. They were a bloody menace.

**Skipping ahead: **

The Dursleys got into bed, laying down on their thick mattress of very soft, specially made hay. Grunnings also made beds for centaurs by grinding the hay until it was soft and could easily be lay upon; then they put it in a specially stitched sack that a centaur could comfortably lay upon for the night.

Mr. Dursley might have been drifting into an uneasy sleep, but at that moment a gray, severe and serious looking centaur in a long flowing blanket was galloping up the street. Most centaurs wore short blankets and leather saddles; this centaur wore a long flowing blanket and an open harness, to keep the blanket in place, with no saddle. She stopped just outside the Dursley household and stopped.

A few minutes later, another, older and even more gray centaur silently appeared out of thin air. He was wearing a bright purple, orange, and pink plaid blanket with a bright yellow holster.

"Ah, Professor McGonagall, just in time," said Dumbledore.

"Yes, well, I had to gallop all day to get here on time," said McGonagall looking quite flushed, "I hadn't done that in years and it was hard."

"Yes, well, why didn't you take the Centaur train?" said McGonagall.

"That mundane contraption? No bloody way!" said McGonagall.

The Centaur Train was a mundane centaur invention, ran by steam. A steam engine ran down the tracks, pulling a series of horse-stalls. Centaurs could stand in the stalls and travel across the continent. It was quite handy.

"Yes, well, I'm glad you met me here. Lord Voldemort and his band of Centaur Rebels are dead. James and Lily Potter fought valiantly, and it was Lily's own severing charm that beheaded Lord Voldemort himself. Unfortunately, Bellatrix managed to mortally wound Lily and James before James finally cut her down. Alas, they died shortly after. Young Harry was at his Godfather's house, when the attack happened. I've come to bring him here.

"Bring him here, but why?" asked Minerva.

"Why, because they are his relatives of course, and they are the only family he has left. So, I have brought him here for the Dursley's to raise," said Dumbledore stamping his front hoof. He didn't like it when anyone questioned him.

"What about Sirius Black, his Godfather?" said Minerva, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

"Yes, well, he won't be able to stop Hagrid from fetching the boy here," said Dumbledore.

"And in a week he'll be taken care of," Dumbledore mumbled.

"What was that," growled Minerva, fingering her wand.

"CONFUNDUS OBLIVIATE" said Albus, erasing the last few seconds from her mind.

Minerva shook her head, "So why not let Sirius Black raise him?" asked Minerva.

"Well, there is a dispute to Sirius's Head of the Tribe of Black status, even though his father made him the official Head of Tribe and it has to be straightened out before he can take Harry in. Until then, I figure a neutral house is the best place for Harry," said Albus, "He is also being hailed as a hero for some reason, even though he wasn't in the house when Lord Voldemort attacked."

Of course, Albus didn't tell Minerva that it was he who was the reason Harry was being hailed as a hero, nor that his plan was for Harry to grow up downtrodden and oppressed so that Harry would see himself as a hero and be his malleable apprentice.

Just then they heard very large hooves stomping down the street. It was Hagrid, the only Centaur Giant Hybrid ever. He was at least 2 times larger than the average Centaur. When he got to Dumbledore and McGonagall, he stopped and said, "I don't have 'im. Sirius Black and Lil' 'Arry were already gone by the time I got there. They've convened a tribal council and Sirius has presented James and Lily's will, and formally asked that it be executed. His father Orion stands beside him, and has also asked for the Tribal Council to officially recognize Sirius Black as Head of the Tribe of Black."

"Dammit!" spat Dumbledore, "Now I've to got to come up with a new plan and a new malleable apprentice."

He then looked at his two collegues and sighed.

"CONFUNDUS," he said pointing his wand at Minerva.

"OBLIVIATE" he said pointing his wand at Hagrid.

The confundus bounced off Minerva's shield and the obliviate bounced off the shield she'd thrown around Hagrid as soon as he got there. Both spells backfired and hit Dumbledore who, sadly, had destroyed his own mind and was committed to St. Charon's for the rest of his life. He passed away at 300 years old, never having regained his memory.

Harry grew up with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, enjoying life and learning how to be a normal centaur. When he turned 11, he went to Hogwarts school for Centaur Arcane Arts and gifts. He would apprentice for a potions mastery under Professor Slughorn, and befriend other children his own age. Without Albus to fuel the rumors that he was the Centaur who lived, the hype died down quickly. In fact, by the time Harry went to school, no one even remembered Lord Voldemort, the Riddle Tribe, or most of the Death Eaters. Their tribes had been absorbed into other tribes and their wealth and possessions redistributed for the good of the community that they had so grievously harmed.

**Okay, I'm stopping there as the rest of it happens as normally as you can expect from an entire planet of only centaurs. Well, there may be house elves and Goblins but I got the impression that Centaurs were very isolationist so if House Elves and Goblins and any other sentient creatures exist, they probably have their own culture and possibly their own civilization. **

**Oh, and I am now accepting prompts. Leave a review or a PM. **

**Be aware: If I don't know a genre, I won't write an AU for it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AU 0000998734590351**

**Dragonlance Universe – Crossover with Dragonlance and Harry Potter and mention of characters from multiple other works. **

**Inspired by Zauber's story Raistilin Majere and the Philosopher's Stone**

**So this is a chapter that was inspired by Raistilin Majere and the Philosopher's Stone specifically chapter 7.**

**I am a Christian and this chapter does NOT reflect my personal religion or beliefs in any way, shape or form and is mostly canon with Dragonlance, D&D, AD&D, and whatever other works of fiction are relevant.**

**I do not own Dragonlance or any canonical characters from the Dragonlance series or any of the D&D games, sequels, books, manuals or any other property belonging to Laura and Tracy Hickman, Margaret Weis, TSR Inc., Wizards of the Coast LLC, Sovereign Press Inc., Bantam Books or any other owners of any spinoffs, branches or ideas, in part or in whole, derived or otherwise sourced in Dragonlance or anything else legally owned by them and not mentioned above. **

**I also do not own any other canonical characters found in other multiple works of fiction which are listed in this story; they are legally owned by their respective creators, _**licensers**_, and owners, inclusive of but not limited to DC Comics, Marvel Comics, Stephen King, Warner Bros., and are only used for this chapter. **

**See if you can spot and recognize the characters from the other works of fiction. **

**I do not own Harry Potter or any of its canonical works, derivatives, spinoffs, in part or in whole, in any shape or form. **

**Harry/Raistilin has a dream in which Paladine visits him. After Paladine visits him, Magic visits Him. Read the end of Chapter 7 of **Zauber's story Raistilin Majere and the Philosopher's Stone** for where I got the inspiration. **

That night, Harry/Raistlin lay in his bed, asleep, when his dreams took him back to his tower on Krynn, as it was when he'd left it. Paladine was there and he looked…upset.

"Raistlin," said Paladine. His aura said anger, and flared red around him.

"Paladine…" said Raistlin until Paladine held up his hand.

"I put you into the body of Harry Potter, to give you another chance. I had to make sure I did it with subtlety because this world's gods sleep. I managed to slip you into his body and slip him into this world's blessed realm, without awakening them. It took a lot of doing, and I had to get all of the others to cooperate, and to bend reality backwards, forwards, and in-between to do it without their awareness. Do you have **any** clue how difficult that was? Do you have any clue what would have happened if they had awakened to find gods from other realms interfering in their realm? Kyrnn and our entire realm could have been sent into the Forgotten," said Paladine. He pinched the bridge of his nose, "It matters not now. You have awakened this realm's Goddess of Nature and Magic, and she still wants you as hers. Only now, she sees you as an equal. And that is where things are going to get complicated. She now wants me to tell you that you have to kill her husband, and cut out his core essence, and infuse it into your core essence, thus making you his replacement. The thing is, even though she is goddess of this world, technically, your soul is still from my realm. On top of that, you still have to kill Voldemort, because he has blasphemed against three of this world's gods. He blasphemed against magic by killing muggleborns, her special chosen ones, he blasphemed against death by creating Horcruxes, and he blasphemed against E'ba'al, by using snakes in his dark rituals. Because of this, Thanatos, this world's god of Death, E'ba'al, the god of snakes, basilisks, dragons, and all other reptiles and Moshu da Ziran, this world's goddess of Magic and Nature, are now awakened. They are pretty pissed with me and the rest of us, but have accepted our proposal to make up for our intrusion."

"And just what was your proposal to them?" asked Raistlin.

"You will no longer be considered a soul of our realm and instead will become a soul of this realm, which means that you will no longer be able to return to our realm, nor will you be able to be accepted into our Blessed Realm. You will be subjected to this world's gods and their laws. Be warned, there are no good, neutral and evil gods, but rather every god of this world has all three aspects, and multiple names and personalities. Zeus, Odin, and Jupiter are all personalities of the same god. There is good news though. The goddess Moshu da Ziran has found favor with you, and decided to grant you her blessing. You are now resistant to spells, and Thanatos has granted you his favor as well, you are now immune to the killing curse, and E'ba'al has granted you the ability to speak to any reptile, not just snakes. There is one major stipulation. You must destroy Voldemort, and his horcruxes, or else, you will meet the only god of evil of this world and spend eternity in his realm," said Paladine.

"And what is a horcrux?" asked Raistlin.

"It is when a person murders an innocent in cold blood and uses the terrible act to split his soul, and put a piece of his soul in a vessel on this world, and thus anchor his soul so that it cannot move to the Blessed Realm and through other rituals, he can create for himself a new body. It is a terrible risk as it could destroy one's magic to do so. Voldemort was lucky; he created his horcruxes while Moshu da Ziran was sleeping, and thus was not punished. Now, she seeks you to punish him, and to punish all of man, after which, she will have you kill Jadu, her husband, and take his place, and you will be her equal."

"Do I have a choice?" asked Raistlin.

"Yes and no. You have the following choices. You can choose to say no, in which case your personality as Raistlin and knowledge will be suppressed by Moshu da Ziran, and in doing so, she will impose her will on you anyway. You can say yes to the gifts but refuse to kill Voldemort, and in doing so, you will be sent to the Realm of Evil. Trust me, you do not wish to go there. You can say no to the gifts and kill Voldemort, freeing you from the obligation to serve Moshu da Ziran and kill Jadu, but if you do this, upon you killing Voldemort, she might strip you of your magic forever. And you can say yes, and accept the gifts, kill Voldemort, and refuse to kill Jadu, and instead, awaken him and ally yourself with him. You would have to kill Moshu da Ziran, and she is far more powerful than Jadu. Plus, Jadu would betray you the instant she was dead, taking her core essence and your soul to make himself more powerful. You could kill Voldemort, and then kill Jadu, becoming the new god of Magic, and you might even be able to grow in power, assuming you could get the Wizards to worship you, like the witches worship Moshu da Ziran. You could kill Voldemort, kill Jadu, and then, bide your time, and one day, kill Moshu da Ziran. Your final choice is to kill Voldemort, kill Jadu, and then give up your godhood and kill yourself, thus ending Moshu da Ziran's hold over you and escaping this realm into the abyss."

"He forgot one final option. I could kill Voldemort, kill Jadu, then bide my time, grow stronger, and when I'm powerful enough kill Moshu da Ziran, take her power as my own, and slowly kill the other gods, taking their power and making myself the only god of this realm. Then when I am powerful enough, feeding from the worship of the people of this world as well as those in this world's blessed and cursed realms, take on other gods one by one until I am the only god in all the realms," thought Raistlin to himself. That was the perfect plan. He would be the only god left, killing them one by one until only Ao remained and then he would kill Ao and take his place and reforge all the realms in his image. And unlike Ao, he would command these realms and keep them under his full awareness and command. "How do I accept their offer and replace Jadu."

"You must put on this amulet. It is her symbol. Once you wear it, you may not take it off, because to do so will mean that you turn your back on her and she might kill you instantly. It will also make you immune to such things as legilimency and other mind manipulating magic," said Paladine, "and you will be marked with her protection, meaning the Dementors and other magical creatures will bow before you, even the Centaurs, as they are truly loyal to her."

"Very well," said Raistlin as he accepted the amulet.

Then Paladine and his tower were gone and he was in another place, a room that looked like the Great Hall of Hogwarts. He saw sitting there a beautiful woman, adorned in robes of grey, white, and black. "Ah, so you have accepted my offer," said the woman, it was the same voice as in the clearing. So this is Moshu da Ziran

"I have decided to give you one more gift I did not tell Paladine or the others about. Once per day, you may make any person you meet or fight into a squib. It will only last for twenty-four hours. I should grant you a new family but I wish to see how you handle the ones you live with. Upon your 18th year of life, and the full Death of Lord Voldemort, you are to seek out Jadu's last temple, and destroy it. This will awaken him. Then, you shall take his blade, and kill him, cutting out his heart and I will place his heart in your body, thus making you his replacement," said Moshu da Ziran.

Raistlin knew that this would not make him a true god, but only the avatar for a god's power and that eventually, his body would burn out and the power would be taken by another, probably her. Moshu da Ziran was probably hoping that he didn't know this, and would fall for it. She wouldn't have a clue about his true intentions, nor that he would one day cut out her heart himself. Perhaps he would add it to Hermione's body, and make her his companion. She was intelligent and he valued that. Plus she had sworn herself to him. Perhaps he would make a lesser god of Neville and the twins as well. He would always have a use for minions, even minion gods.

_And that is what he did. For upon Voldemort's final death, Raistlin took out his amulet, and the creatures both light and dark, knelt before him, for their fealty was always with The Goddess. He then went to the goblins and centaurs, asking them to tell him where the last temple of Jadu was. As it turned out, the House Elves were the ones who knew where the Last Temple of Jadu was, because they were Jadu's creation. He found the temple, and destroyed the altar, as ordered. Jadu awoke, and was outraged but he was also so weak from lack of worship, for even the House Elves had abandoned him, that Harry didn't even need Moshu da Ziran's help to defeat him. As he was cutting out Jadu's heart, Jadu made a final appeal and it fell upon deaf ears as Raistlin absorbed Jadu's life essence, and became the avatar for magic. He immediately felt a hundred times more powerful but also knew that he, as a god, was at his weakest, due to the fact that he had no worshippers. The first thing he did was appear to the House Elves, asking them what they wanted from their god. They asked him for the right to serve without being abused, so he made it so that any wizard who abused a house elf became a squib, permanently. This left many Death Eater families in despair when they couldn't kick their house elf without losing their magic, because Raistlin, the first time they did it, warned them not to do it again. _

_Moshu da Ziran was not exactly pleased when she found out that he had killed Jadu without her help or her weapon and that he had absorbed the heart without her help. So she would just wait, so that she could kill him one day and take his power, as her plans were almost identical to his, only she didn't want to leave this realm. _

_Raistlin Majere did make his only…friends into immortal beings, never aging and never dying, much like The Everman. Only he could kill them now. His power grew as the House Elves worshipped him, and he eventually got the Goblins and the Centaurs to do so as well. He did convince most of the Wizards to worship him but some of them were stubborn. Now, his power rivaled that of Moshu da Ziran, because they weren't worshipping him in Jadu's name, they were worshipping him in his own name. He'd even taken his old appearance, to give himself that 'divine' aspect. He would bless those who worshipped him faithfully and cursed those who betrayed him. Ron Weasley suffered for his attempt to turn Harry in for the reward money. Dumbledore suffered the loss of his favorite appendage when he tried to turn Harry over to the ministry for execution for being 'Dark' but you can't execute a god. And the Veil is just an entrance into this world's Blessed Realm. Being the avatar of a god's power meant that he could not die that way, so it was a shock when he walked out of the veil and Dumbledore fell over in a dead faint; later, the healers would puzzle over the now gender neutral Head of Hogwarts. _

_Now that Dumbledore was dealt with, he now had all 3 Deathly Hallows, which were not mere trinkets. Combining the three artifacts of power of Thanatos, allowed him to summon forth the power he needed to become a true god, which he then did. Or at least he tried. He found out he would need more power to become a true god, and he would need some demigods under his command, to become a greater or higher god. _

_There were six ranks, including demigod, minor god, lesser god, major god, greater god and higher god. The highest 2 were _Ionthas _and the High God. Titans and other non-god beings such as fiends, devils, archdevils, demons, paragons, and celestials are either minor, lesser or greater gods depending upon their rank. A minor god, lesser god and greater god ruled only part of a realm, even if it was all but a small sliver of a realm, they could only be a greater god. Higher gods, such as Ao, ruled multiple realms and other gods.  
><em>

_Eventually, Raistlin killed E'ba'al and the other gods over the animals, slaughtering the minor gods, and increasing his power. Soon he was as powerful as Moshu da Ziran, but that was not enough, so he killed her rival, the goddess of Science, and her two sisters the goddess of Normality and the goddess of Ignorance, absorbing their power. When he slew the god of anxiety, he laughed and rather than just keep the power for himself, he made Neville Longbottom the avatar for anxiety. Not quite a god, but more like a demigod under his direct command. He did the same to Hermione when he slew the twin god and goddess of knowledge, learning, books, schools and libraries, making her the Avatar of these things. When he slew his first major god, Loki, he made Fred the avatar for Jokes and George the avatar for Pranks and them both the avatar for mischief. _

_With the death of his first major god, his power was now only slightly beyond that of Moshu da Ziran. Eventually, after slaying the entire Norse Pantheon, several of the Hindu and Asian pantheons, and one or two Greek and Roman minor gods, he finally had to face Moshu da Ziran in battle. The Battle lasted several decades until he finally slew her. His power was almost exhausted and so was hers, but at last he slew her, cutting out her essence and making it his own. It was at this point, he tried again and used the three deathly hallows to become a true god. He started to throw away her amulet and then noticed it had become blackened and charred. When he examined it closer, it crumbled to ash. She was truly dead.  
><em>

_Unfortunately, faith in him and the goddess both waned, so he had to rest for about a year and then travel to earth to regain their faith, for the power of their faith flowed into him. It was why Ao was so powerful, not the worship of mortals, but the worship of other gods. The worship of gods was even more powerful than the worship of mortals and the worship of mortals powered these gods and it was why he had to gain the worship of more than half of existence, including some of the lesser gods, to defeat Ao. It was no matter, he could do it. After all, he was now immortal and had time. He was also a true god and had time. Soon he made an avatar of himself to travel among the planets of this realm, and bolster their faith by granting them miracles, blessings, and punishments and such that they would keep their faith. He also created a second avatar to travel the multiverse seeking out any living versions of Jadu so that he might destroy them and gain their power. _

_Eventually, after searching across the multiverse and slaying hundreds of aspects of Jadu and Moshu da Ziran and Loki and Thor and Zeus and Odin and the others, he found a multiverse that was devoid of life. So he decided to form this realm in his image, and create life in this realm to worship him and fuel his power. He created a world just for gully dwarves, the first few females reminding him of Bupu. He created a world of warriors, many had features like that of his brother. He created a world of those like him but with limited ambitions; after all, he didn't want any of them trying to become gods. _

_He eventually encountered other gods different from the multi-verse alternate aspects of Jadu, Moshu da Ziran and the others, making sure to kill each one and absorb their essence, including The Crimson King, Tak, The Time Dragon, Ymir, Atili, Crom, Lir, Badb, Morrigan, Set, Derketo, Ibis, Silban, Ka-hooli, Astalon, Ban-ath and Kilian, Ruthia, Guis-Wa, Prandur, Kardis, Marfa, Falaris, Myri, Olaf the Troll God, Dinza, Barbas, The Avatars, The Elders, Gideon, The Hollow, The Source, Zankou, The White and Black Guardian, The Beast, Abaddon, Aphrodite, Ares, Callisto, Dahak, Hercules, Hera, Hope, Darkseid, Imperiex, H'Ronmeer, Rao, Vext, Ion, Parallax, Nekron, The Lord of Locusts, The Living Tribunal, Galactus In-betweener, Phoenix, Goblin, Celestials, Urd, Lind, Hild, Akatosh, Arkay, Dibella, Kynareth, Morihaus, Reman, Herma-Mora, Jode, Jone, Lorkhan, Mara, Stendarr, Xerxes, Y'ffre, Syrabane, Trinimac, Auri-El, Magnus, Phynaster, Azura, Boethiah, Hermaeus Mora, Clavicus Vile, Jyggalag, Malacath, Mephala, Molag Bal, Maira, Nocturnal, Sithis, HoonDing, Sep, Tava, Zeht, Mantorok, Ulyaoth, Innos, Beliar, Balthazar, Grenth, Dwayna, Melandru, Kormir, Dhuum, and many hundreds of others.  
><em>

_Some gods and deities, he let live if they pledged their worship to him. There was even one or two greater gods that pledged their worship to him. Mog, Kos, Macha, Mitra, Bori, Azathoth, Yog-Sothoth, _Sheogorath _and Yig were the major gods who agreed to worship him. With their worship, his power was growing and if he could get more worship from more realms, his power would exceed Ao. _

_Eventually, when had half of the realms of Ao worshipping him, Ao demanded that they meet and Raistlin Majere defeated him. After a few hundred millennia, he realized that the Forgotten Realms were not enough. Breaking open the Grey Gem, he defeated Ionthas after centuries of combat and got the information on how to defeat the High God. He had to destroy Paladine and the rest of the entire Pantheon and once he did, he was able to take on the High God in combat. Once he defeated the High God, he became the High God. _

_Of course, this was not according to the High God's plans but as Raistlin defeated him, he had to give up those plans. Mainly because Raistlin wouldn't even let a mortal version of him live.  
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_Raistlin would then call the few people he could ever consider friends, Hermione, Draco, Fred, George, Neville, well, more minions really, to his side to help rule some of the realms, not that he actually shared real power with them, just that he didn't want to be bothered with some of the tedium of the realms. He never allowed any entity to gain higher than lesser god in rank, except Hermione, whom he made his one and only major god. This was mainly because her servitude and friendship was now so deeply ingrained in her being, that she simply could not ever betray him.  
><em>

_Eventually, Raistlin got bored and decided to collapse the multiverse, ending all of existence, and start over.  
><em>

_And that is what he did, creating new universes, new worlds and new living creatures, all according to the way he wanted things._

_And so it was, at last, Raistlin was actually content, maybe even happy. _


	5. Chapter 5

**AU 96477**

**I don't own Harry Potter. **

**Characters: Ron, Crabbe, Goyle, Harry Potter**

**Mentioned: Various Members (not by name; canon and OC) of the Weasley Family, Millicent Bulstrode, Crabbe Sr.  
><strong>

**No Dark Lord, No Horcruxes, No Pureblood prejudices**

When Ron woke up that morning, three things became apparent.

First, Ron was in the Slytherin Boy's Dorm Room

Second, Ron was stark naked

Third, Ron was in bed with Crabbe and Goyle who were also stark naked.

At first, this thought was repulsive. Then Ron remembered last night. They had graduated and had a week without classes, a week of pure freedom before the real world. There was fire whiskey and Ron had drunk a large amount and gotten drunk.

Very Drunk.

Drunk enough, apparently, to go back to the Slytherin Boy's Dorm Room with Crabbe and Goyle. Slowly the memories of that night came back to Ron. Ron remembered that Crabbe and Goyle were actually quite well built, being muscular and strong. Crabbe had even carried Ron into their dorm room Bridal Style; Ron had giggled when he did that. Goyle had soft hands while Crabbe's were calloused and rough. Ron remembered the feel of both of those hands. Ron also remembered that Crabbe and Goyle were impressively well endowed.

Ron sat up suddenly. They'd had sex, several times that night before.

"Did either of you, think to use…protection?" Ron asked Goyle.

"No. All three of us were drunk," said Crabbe, his eyes still closed, "Why?"

"Why? Don't you know anything about the Weasley Family? The Weasley family is famous for being very fertile. My dad was one of 4 boys and 3 girls; my granddad was one of 6 boys and 4 girls, my great-grandad was one of seventeen boys and girls."

"So," said Goyle.

"So? My aunts, all 3 of them, each have at least three boys of their own," said Ron.

"So?"

"My aunts all got pregnant their first time doing it," said Ron.

"So?"

"You guys are idiots. What if I'm…pregnant?" said Ron.

Crabbe and Goyle hadn't thought of that. They remembered the night of passion they had had, both of them having sex with Ron Weasley, several times. It was their first time and Ron's too. (Though technically, Neville Longbottom would have been Ron's first time, if they had done more than had oral sex. Poor Neville just could not 'perform' the deed.)

"Well, let's get dressed and get to the hospital wing," said Crabbe, "If you are pregnant, we'll decide what to do from there."

So Ron, Crabbe, and Goyle, got dressed, and went to the Hospital wing. It was 10 in the morning and they went in to see Madam Pomphrey. She listened to their story and tutted at them for not using protection like sensible adults, especially knowing the famous Weasley Fertility, and proceeded to examine Ron.  
>As it turned out, Ron was now pregnant with both Crabbe's child and Goyle's child, fraternal twins, both boys.<p>

"Now what?" Ron asked.

"I don't know," said Greg.

"Let's ask Harry," said Crabbe.

"Harry Potter, the Ravenclaw who is always alone in the library and probably doesn't know what a girl is?" asked Ron.

"Actually," said Harry from behind them, "I do know what a girl is, thank you. So, what do you want to ask?"

"I'm pregnant," said Ron, "With both Crabbe's child and Goyle's child. While having multiple wives in the Wizard world is acceptable, having multiple husbands is not."

"Crabbe, Goyle, are either of you already betrothed?" asked Harry.

"Yes," said Goyle, "I'm engaged to Millicent Bulstrode."

"No," said Crabbe.

"Then the solution is simple. Ron marries Crabbe and gives birth to both children. If Millie does not manage to get pregnant, then Goyle 'claims' his son from Ron. If Millie does get pregnant, then Goyle does not, and Crabbe and Ron raise both children," said Harry matter-of-factly.

"Oh," said all three of them.

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So it was that Veronica 'Ron' Weasley married Vincent Crabbe, shortly after they left Hogwarts. Vincent Crabbe Sr. was very happy that his son had married Veronica, as she had high marks in charms. In fact, the reason Vincent Crabbe Sr. and Jr. had callouses was because of their work as builders of magical furniture; the furniture needed good charms applied, usually by the Crabbe women. It was the basis of the Crabbe fortune, which was decent even if it wasn't Malfoy or Potter sized.

Veronica had 8 more boys in addition to the 'twins' and they had a long and peaceful, loving marriage, until Veronica passed away in her sleep at the ripe old age of 173, a loving and proud great-grandmother. Her husband joined her, passing away in his sleep, two days later.

**Please note: I am not advocating sex before marriage! Yet, I do acknowledge that it does happen. **


	6. Chapter 6

**AU 96478**

**I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER**

**Characters: Ron, Pansy, Millicent, Hermione**

**Mentioned: Various Members of the Weasley Family (not by name; canon and OC), Goyle, **

**No Dark Lord, No Horcruxes, No Pureblood Prejudices**

When Ron woke up that morning, three things became apparent.

First, he was in the Slytherin Girl's Dorm. Second, he was stark naked. Third, he was in bed with Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode who were also stark naked.

At first, this thought was repulsive. Then Ron remembered last night. They had graduated and had a week without classes, a week of pure freedom before the real world. There was fire whiskey and Ron had drunk a large amount and gotten drunk.

Very Drunk.

Drunk enough, apparently, to go back to the Slytherin Girl's Dorm Room with Pansy and Millie. Slowly the memories of that night came back to Ron. He remembered that Pansy and Millie were actually, now that they had grown and matured a little, really hot. Parkinson had a very curvy body, while Millicent had strong hips that accentuated her frame just right, giving her a sexy shape. (Of course, you couldn't tell this under their robes.) And of course, they both had perfect boobs; Pansy's were perky and were just the right shape and size; Millicent's were slightly bigger and firmer, and perfectly proportioned. (In other words, they both were hot.) Ron remembered his hands exploring every inch of both Pansy and Millicent. He even remembered carrying Pansy into her dorm room bridal style, the hours of working out with Harry having paid off, making him pretty strong and giving him a well-defined six-pack, much to Millie's delight. Pansy had giggled at that. Ron then carried Millie into the dorm room, also Bridal style, causing her to giggle as well.

Ron sat up suddenly. They'd had sex, several times that night before.

"Did either of you, think to use…protection?" Ron asked Pansy.

"No. All three of us were drunk," said Millicent, her eyes still closed, "Why?"

"Why? Don't you know anything about the Weasley Family? The Weasley family is famous for being very fertile. My dad was one of 4 boys and 3 girls; my granddad was one of 6 boys and 4 girls, my great-grandad was one of seventeen boys and girls."

"So," said Pansy.

"So? My aunts, all 3 of them, each have at least three boys of their own," said Ron.

"So?" said Millicent.

"My aunts all got pregnant their first time doing it," said Ron.

"So?"

"You girls are idiots. What if I'm…pregnant?" said Ron.

Pansy and Millie hadn't thought of that. They remembered the night of passion they had had, both of them having sex with Ron Weasley, several times. It was their first time and Ron's too; they had both been pleasantly surprised by how well-endowed Ron was. And how strong his instincts were for proper use of his endowment.

"Well let's get dressed then. We'll go to the hospital wing and if you are pregnant, we'll decide what to do then," said Pansy.

So Ron, Pansy, and Millie, got dressed, and went to the Hospital wing. It was 10 in the morning and they went in to see Madam Pomphrey. She listened to their story and tutted at them for not using protection like sensible adults, especially knowing the famous Weasley Fertility, and proceeded to examine Ron.  
>As it turned out, Ron was not pregnant. Madam Pomphrey then examined Millie and Pansy, who were also not pregnant, thankfully.<p>

So they went down to lunch and Ron sat at the Gryffindor table. Immediately Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan came over and sat across from him, grinning.

"So, we saw you leave the post-graduation celebration party last night," said Dean.

"With Pansy and Millie," said Seamus.

"So?" said Ron.

"So…details man…spill" said Dean and Seamus together. So Ron regaled them with details of his conquest of Pansy and Millie, and he didn't even have to exaggerate.

"But we didn't use protection, so when we got up this morning, we went to see Madam Pomphrey, and I am so relieved," said Ron.

Hermione had just sat down to join them. She had been at the party as well, eventually leaving for a night of passion with Neville Longbottom. (She had no idea just how…**talented** the Hufflepuff was, and was glad that she had said 'Yes' when he proposed to her during Easter break.)

"Why are you relieved, Ron?" asked Hermione.

"Because I'm not pregnant," said Ron.

Hermione stared at him. "Uh Ron, you can't get pregnant," said Hermione.

"I know, because I'm not married," said Ron.

"Uh…No…because…you…are…a…boy," said Hermione, talking very slowly as if to a particularly stupid child.

"So?" said Ron.

Hermione sighed and resisted the urge to beat her head on the table. It seems that the Wizarding World lacked more than just logic.

_And so it was that Millie, Pansy, and Ron would meet up again during the week for another liaison of passion; this time Ron got Pansy pregnant. So he proposed to her, which he was going to do anyway. He also proposed to Millie at the same time. They both said Yes without hesitation. After all, Draco had broken the engagement with Pansy to pursue Astoria Greengrass and Goyle had broken his engagement with Millie to pursue a relationship with Crabbe's younger sister. (Having a broken engagement in the wizard world made it much harder to find a spouse.) _

_They had a long and happy marriage. Ron had started Auror training but left when he felt he didn't fit the job. He became Keeper for the Chudley Cannons and helped them become second in the league for five years running before his semi-retirement to become the team's coach. As coach, he helped the team win their first league championship. He then retired and was allowed to keep the trophy at his house, in honor of his 55 year career. He then went on to teach broom riding and be the referee for Quidditch at Hogwarts, where Pansy was the Potions Mistress and Millie taught potions. Headmistress Hermione Longbottom had decided to split the position of Potions Master and Potions teacher. They would actually share the teaching and potions making duties between them; it worked out really well._

_Millie gave birth to 7 boys and Pansy gave birth to 3 boys and a set of twin girls, who took after their uncles Fred and George and took over the joke shop when they retired. Ron passed away, in his sleep, at the ripe old age of 180; he was a proud great-grandfather. Millie and Pansy both passed away, in their sleep, a year later on the anniversary of his death._

**This goes with the previous chapter. I also had to make it up to Neville Longbottom for the previous chapter and his poor 'performance' so I did. People rarely seem to ship Neville and Hermione, so I did. Oh and the stupidity about Ronald thinking he could get pregnant is actually on purpose, so yeah, I meant to do that. **

**Once again, I am not advocating premarital sex nor am I advocating polygamy. **


	7. Chapter 7

**AU 7504**

**Idea for this AU came from Jostanos**

**Number Four Privet Drive? I thought you said Number Four Piquet Drive. **

**Characters: Hagrid, Minerva, Albus, Dr. and Dr. Granger, Hermione, Harry; various mentioned characters**

Dr. and Dr. Granger of Number Four Piquet Drive were proud to say that they were two of England's most accomplished dentists, thank you very much. Rodney Granger was a genius, and graduated from 6th form a year early, going to university at 17. Alicia Granger was just as smart but did not graduate early and went to university at 18. They met in university when they were both 20, and fell deeply in love. They then went to dental school and when they got Doctorates, and their license to practice Dentistry, they got married. Later, they had a baby that they named Hermione Granger, and thought that there was no smarter or more beautiful little girl anywhere in the world.

Then one fateful night, a half-giant by the name of Rubeus Hagrid made a mistake. Albus Dumbledore had asked him to get Harry Potter and bring the little boy to Number Four Privet Drive, and wrote it down for him. Unfortunately, the 'rive' in Privet smeared and Hagrid was unable to make it out while he was in transit. One of the enchantments that Sirius Black had added to the motorcycle was a system much like GPS that the muggles would eventually develop, not that he knew that. This system was a button that displayed location and by saying, "Show me street names" the map would zoom in to the street that you were flying over. This was the only way to navigate the motorcycle, especially as he had to fly it under heavy charms to prevent the muggles from seeing it and that made getting one's bearings quite difficult. So Hagrid hit the button and said, "Show me street names" just like Black showed him. Up popped an image of a map, with the name of the street he was hovering over as well as the surrounding streets. And there he saw Piquet Drive.

"Well, it starts with a P and ends with a T and it's in Surrey, and it's been about the distance Albus told me, so this must be the place," said Hagrid to no one in particular.

He flew down to the street and landed at Number Four Piquet Drive. He didn't see Albus or anyone else, and waited for him for half an hour and then he went and knocked on the door. He realized that it was 1 or 2 in the morning but he didn't have a choice. The lights went on and there was some stumbling and he thought he heard a curse or two, followed by a woman yelling 'language' and the gurgle of a baby. Well, this has to be the place.

The lights in the living room came on and the door was opened by a very sleepy looking man in dark blue sweat pants, that were on backward, and no shirt, who looked both exhausted and angry.

"Do you have any bloody idea what bloody time it is? Why are you bloody knocking on the bloody door at this bloody time of night and it better be a good bloody reason!"

"Uh, m' name is Hagrid, Rubeus Hagrid. I come to bring you Harry Potter," said Hagrid, a bit confused, showing the bundle he'd been holding as gently as possible, "Albus Dumbledore, great man he is, told me to bring him to Number Four Piquet Drive, to leave him with his relatives. So here I am. Although Dumbledore doesn't seem to be around; anyway, Harry's parents were just killed and he needs a home."

"Um…I don't know any children named Harry. Alicia!"

"Yes dear," said a young woman coming down the stairs carrying a sleepy baby.

"Do we know any children named Harry?" asked Rodney.

"Um…I might have a cousin with a son about Hermione's age named Harry. Let's see, I believe it would be Harry Potted? Poten? Potem? Potto?"

"Potter?" asked Rubeus.

"Yes, that's it. My cousin, Lily Evans, married a man named Potter. I remember because Petunia made a big stink at the wedding and that fat husband of hers got drunk and took a pee on the wedding cake. Lily was furious and so was her mother, Rose. Even I was furious. You've never seen so many furious Evans women in one place. Why?" said Alicia, as her husband shuddered at the thought of that day and the horror of the fury of the Evans women.

"Lily and James Potter, that's them," said Hagrid, "Two nicer people you'd never meet. They were killed you see, and I've been asked by Dumbledore, great man he is, to bring him to his relatives. I work at Hogwarts you see, where Lily and James went to school."

"OH, you mean that private, exclusive boarding school that you have to be chosen to get into? Yes, I remember how she couldn't reveal any of the lessons due to some non-disclosure agreement with the Crown or something like that. So they are…dead?" said Alicia, handing Hermione to her father and taking a look at the bundle in Hagrid's arms.

"Yes, and well, their house was destroyed you see, so I had to help get lil' Harry here out of the rubble myself and so I brought him straight here, under orders from Dumbledore, great man he is, and that's why I'm here," said Hagrid, "although, he was bleeding when I took him out of the rubble, so I did take him by the hospital and had his wounds seen to."

Hagrid handed Harry to Alicia, and then dug around in his pockets. Eventually he found a crumpled business card, and handed it to Alicia. "That there is the card of the healer that saw Harry; she's got a phone number there that you can call her. Andromeda is one of the best healers there is and her husband Ted is a real good man. Well, if there's nothing else you'll need, I'll be leaving you; Got to get this motorcycle back to its owner."

Alicia didn't blink at the use of the word healer. Being part of the medical community, she knew about the non-conventional part of medicine. There were people who were called Healers, who searched for natural remedies and the root cause of many illnesses. While some of them were bonkers, she had two friends, a married couple, who were healers that used native medicines. They had travelled the world to learn medicine from native tribes in Africa, South America, North America, and to learn Chinese traditional medicine. They also had training in conventional medicine as both were RNs, so they could recognize when someone needed to go to hospital. They had a thriving practice that was recognized by the county they lived in as being legitimate.

"You brought the baby here on a motorcycle?!" said Alicia incredulously and with more than a little rage. Rodney had already taken Hermione back up to her room.

"Well I didn't have any other form of transportation but I assure you, I took every possible safety precaution and went as slow as I could with Harry wrapped around my chest and cushioned in every way," said Hagrid, a little surprised at her anger, "I wouldn't have let any harm come to him."

"Well, I suppose what's done is done, but…next time don't you dare take a baby on a motorcycle. Anyway, we'll take Harry and adopt him. Do you have papers for him?" asked Alicia.

"Well, Andromeda can help you see to that. Her husband is a lawyer," said Hagrid.

So Alicia bid Hagrid goodnight and went to put baby Harry in the crib with Hermione. As soon as she lay him down, he snuggled up closer to Hermione and sighed contentedly. Over the next few years, Harry and Hermione would grow closer as brother and sister. Ted Tonks did help the Grangers adopt Harry in both the muggle world. He also helped them with adoption in the wizard world, unbeknownst to them.

Even though Hermione was a year older, they were as inseparable as twins, and often did everything except go to the loo together. Harry was even smart enough keep pace with Hermione in school; due to her late birthday, she started school the same year Harry did. After two years, they moved from Surrey to a suburb near Glasgow, Scotland so that Rodney could take a position teaching Dentistry at Glasgow Dental School. After two years, he became Vice Principal of the School of Medicine and Dentistry. After 6 years, he became Principal of the University, serving to increase the prestige and standards of the School of Medicine and Dentistry.

Alicia Granger, as soon as she had become pregnant with Hermione, went back to University and earned a Master's degree in Child Psychology and later a PhD in Child Psychology. Although she loved Dentistry, she had a particular knack for child psychology and, like her husband, was offered a part time teaching position in Child Psychology at the University of Glasgow. She still ran their private clinic Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday when she didn't have classes to teach, which were all on Tuesday and Thursday. She did dentistry on Fridays and Saturdays for poor children and did Family Counselling and Child Counselling on Mondays and Wednesdays.

Hermione and Harry thrived in the Glasgow schools as they were not made fun of, nor bullied. In fact, bullying of the type they had endured by the hands of a certain fat kid who shall remain nameless **(*cough*Dudley*cough*)** would not have been tolerated by the headmaster or headmistress of any of the schools in Glasgow, regardless of the influence of said fat kid's parents and despite the fact that said fat kid's father was having an ongoing affair with the Deputy Headmistress of the school in Little Whinging, while his wife was having a torrid affair with the Headmaster, which was the only thing keeping the fat little bugger out of juvenile court. The odd thing was, was that the Headmaster looked like he could have been Vernon's brother, while the Deputy Headmistress could have been Petunia's twin. Another twist of irony was when during the mandatory blood test required to enter Smeltings, they found out that Dudley was not Vernon's son and was, in fact, the son of said Headmaster. This immediately caused Vernon to file for divorce, and run away with the Deputy Headmistress, fleeing to live in and run the Wales branch of Grunnings. Petunia married the Headmaster of the Little Whinging elementary school, and unlike with Vernon, she was allowed to return to school at night and complete her certificate in Accounting, getting a job keeping the books for Grunnings where her ex-husband used to work. Within 6 months, she had the previously in the red branch, back in the black and operating as smoothly as possible, earning a very tidy profit.

During this time, Headmaster Dumbledore tried to find Harry Potter, after soundly chewing Hagrid out for leaving him at the wrong relative's house. He was almost fired but for the intervention of Minerva, who gave Albus Dumbledore a tongue lashing that would've made Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor both quake in fear, when said old coot accidentally let slip his plans to see to it that Harry was kept humble in the hands of Petunia. Her voice seemed to linger around the Headmaster's office for two weeks due to her sheer rage.

Fortunately for this version of Albus, this version of Minerva had not invented the Butt Removing Hex. Unfortunately, she did invent the Kick-in-the-stones Hex and had even perfected it. So Albus felt her wrath, which felt like someone had kicked him in the stones, twice with a steel toed boot. He walked funny for 3 months afterward, as Poppy refused to do anything more than put a mild numbing charm on him, secretly earning him the nickname 'Numbnuts' among the female staff, not that he didn't deserve it.

Harry thrived under the care of the Grangers, making very high marks, especially in math and science. Upon Hermione's 11th birthday, they would receive their first visit from Minerva McGonagall, who would keep Harry's location a secret from a certain old goat of a headmaster, and manage to visit him once per month, getting him ready for his return to the wizard world.

Upon his 11th Birthday, Albus insisted that Severus Snape take Harry his letter, refusing to even consider allowing Minerva to do it, which almost earned him another hex, had he not told her that he wanted to make sure Harry was safe, and Snape's years of being a spy made him the best at assessing danger, even those unseen or hidden from someone not as alert. Of course Snape would come back from the encounter, shaking with fear, handing the letter back to Albus and insisting Minerva deliver it, refusing to share what happened and immediately going to his quarters to get well and thoroughly pissed.

Snape had visited the home of the Granger and their two children. He had sneered at Potter and proceeded to insult him, calling him a lazy, stupid, good-for-nothing brat, just like his father, and then insulted Hermione, which earned him the wrath of Dr. Alicia Granger, who was an Evans by birth. If Snape had realized that, he would never have even thought of insulting Harry. Lily's temper was infamous when they were in school; so infamous that not even Bellatrix had dared to provoke it.

So it was that the wrath, which would have made Lily's pale in comparison, came down upon him. It was ignited when he seemingly insulted her husband and her son, but it was unleashed when he dared to call Hermione a 'buck-toothed bushy-haired beaver' which sent her crying to her room, memories of the teasing of a certain fat kid coming to the surface. The Wrath of Alicia Granger nee Evans would be felt by Severus until the school year started, and she was a muggle. He did not doubt that the Dark Lord would've been impressed by her sheer and utter rage. So Severus immediately abandoned all his plans to torture and utterly humiliate Harry Potter and instead resolved to do his best to ignore the boy and also be absolutely fair to him at all times, because he didn't doubt that he would die, in the most painful way imaginable, something Bellatrix would no doubt take notes on, if Alicia Granger even thought that he might consider giving Harry Granger an unfair grade.

So Minerva happily delivered Harry's letter, and took them shopping in Diagon alley where they just happened to run into Hagrid. Hagrid had forgiven Dumbledore for what he had tried to do to Harry, because Hagrid had a heart of solid gold and this made him to be naïve sometimes, especially where Dumbledore was concerned. Minerva had no such naivety and promptly decided that they would go to the robes shop first, order their robes, then go to each shop pick out the items, have the clerk hold them, then go to the bank, get the money and come back to pay for the items. This is what she usually did with a larger group of muggleborns, so as to ease their transition into the wizard world. She had Harry, Hermione and she just happened to pick up Justin Finch-Fletchly and Dean Thomas as well.

**I'm going to stop right here because you probably get the gist of what will happen. Harry will probably be in Ravenclaw, having never had his love of learning forcibly stunted by the Dursleys. He would also probably not go after the stone, instead confiding in his head of house the events of the year, so that Filius can take appropriate action. **

**In the second year, Filius would speak to the Ravenclaws about using their brains to think for a moment about if Harry, who was raised in a loving Muggle home, whose own sister is a muggleborn, whose mother was a muggleborn, would actually be the heir to the Dark Lord. **

**In third year, he investigates more thoroughly the case of Sirius Black to discover that there was no trial, something he brings up with his Head of House, getting Sirius the trial he should have had. **

**In fourth year, he would also investigate how his name got into the cup and find Mad-Eye Moody is a fake less than half-way through the fifth week of school. **

**As for fifth year, well, Umbitch…er Umbridge would find herself facing the wrath of Alicia Granger, who once helped fix a tooth for Prince Harry and Rodney Granger who helped prevent the Queen from having to get dentures, and often did dental work for the Royal Family, so she would also find herself facing the wrath of the Muggle Queen, who just happens to have the authority to fire any member of the Ministry of Magic, including Senior Undersecretaries. **

**Sirius Black, who was not a prisoner in his own home, would be assigned to Patrol Hogsmeade, and consequently, Harry would not fall for Voldemort's trick. Also realizing the mind connection between the two, Harry would ask Remus Lupin to teach him occlumency, which would lead to the discovery of the Horcrux, and thus lead to them asking the Goblin Healers to remove said Horcrux, paying a small fine of 5000 galleons. **

**In sixth year, Harry would find Severus Snape to be a decent teacher, especially considering that he did not want to die by Dr. Alicia Granger nee Evans's hands, and face Lily Potter nee Evans's wrath in the afterlife. **

**In Seventh Year, Harry and Hermione would share the information about the Horcruxes with the Queen, and she would immediately order the Royal Division of the Court Magi to hunt them down. The Royal Division of Court Magi being founded by Merlin himself and being a team of 10 wizards that exclusively serve and answer to the Queen, and have full authority to use the killing curse if necessary, sort of like a magical James Bond. They would hunt down and destroy all the horcruxes within the first 3 months of the year, considering that they had all the resources of the crown to assist them. There would also be an epic battle, but this time between Tom Riddle and Albus Dumbledore. Sadly Albus Dumbledore would die by Tom Riddle's snake-like hands, and Tom would promptly be killed by several curses from Harry, Hermione, the Weasley Family, Minerva, the other professors, Aberforth and all 10 Royal Court Magi. Harry would go to the Queen's University of the Magi, and be chosen as a Royal Court Magi, Fourth Class and move up to Royal Court Magi, First Class, in two years, eventually becoming Chief Royal Court Magi and faithfully serving the crown for 50 years, before he retired. **

**During that time he would marry his first ever girlfriend, an eccentric pureblood by the name of Luna Lovegood. Ronald Weasley, who had suffered Hermione's wrath once Minerva taught her the Kick-in-the-stones Hex, would marry Lavender Brown. Draco Malfoy, who also learned to leave Harry and Hermione Granger alone, would marry Astoria Greengrass. Neville Longbottom , Harry and Hermione's best friend, would marry Hermione Granger. They would have five children, two sets of twin boys, and a girl, who would have her Daddy wrapped around her little finger. Hermione would replace Severus Snape as Potions teacher, with her husband becoming Herbology teacher. Harry Granger would become a first class Potions Master, and find a cure for Lycanthropy. Later he would become Hogwarts's Assistant Potions Teacher when his sister became Deputy Headmistress and Head of Ravenclaw. Harry and Luna would also have five children, only two sets of twin girls and one boy. **

**Ginny Weasley would get over her fangirl worship of Harry Potter and marry Cormac McLaggen, who was quite tolerable, once you deflated his head. **

**And they would all live a very happy life, except for Umbridge, who was eaten by a shark. **

**Poor Shark.**


	8. Chapter 8

**AU 1073426**

**I have always wondered about some things concerning the Weasleys. **

**First, it cannot be that hard to learn a spell so that Mrs. Weasley could make her own robes and surely cloth would be cheaper to buy than robes. Surely she could have contacted McGonagall, and explained the situation and gotten her to apply whatever spell is put on Malkin's robes to the robes she made that changes them into house robes. **

**Also, how hard would it be for Mr. Weasley to learn a few good repairing spells? Surely, there must be more than one, since there are 1001 household charms. He could then buy up some really ugly old muggle furniture, strip it down, repair it, and then repaint it, with a charm or spell, and then either sell them at a higher price or keep them. After all, if he could add on to the Burrow, surely it wouldn't be that hard to manipulate and repair furniture, thus saving them money by buying and fixing stuff.**

**And how hard would it be for them to use magical fertilizer and space expansion charms, temp stabilization charms, even sunlight charms, to have a greenhouse and grow huge amounts of vegetables to sell? **

**For that matter, since he did build the Burrow, how hard would it have been to learn construction spells and build houses and stuff? I mean he could put up a 'black tent' to hide the features of the house until he unveiled it. Okay, maybe that's stretching things a bit, but really, how hard could it be to at least make muggle money? I mean all muggle tech doesn't react violently to magic, otherwise all tech around the ministry would go bananas and the muggles would want to know why and all tech around Diagon Alley and other similar shopping areas would go nuts. Not to mention the muggleborns, where things would act up every time a muggleborn came near them. Nope, doesn't make much sense. Hogwarts could be the exception to the rule with an oversaturation of magic causing technology to stop working. **

**So with that in mind, here is a Universe where it dawned on Mr. Weasley that not only could he learn more by having a repair shop, but Molly realized that she was pretty good at making things like sweaters and clothes and blankets and stuff so she got a job working for Madam Malkin's shop. **

Molly Weasley greeted her husband with a kiss on the cheek, "Hello Dear, how was your day at work?" she asked.

He looked down. It was _that_ look, like he had to tell her something she was not going to like. "Dear?"

"I…got…fired…by…Undersecretary…Umbridge…" said Arthur, "For being a mudblood collaborator."

"But…well, you'll have to go and ask Minister Fudge…" Molly started to say.

"No. I tried to appeal but was told I would spend a month in Azkaban if I questioned Umbridge's decision," said Arthur, "I don't know what we are going to do. Getting that job at the ministry was hard enough, but I did so love working in muggle artifacts."

"We'll manage," said Molly as a cry was heard from upstairs, "Oh, dear, Percy must be awake and hungry. Excuse me dear."

Arthur sat down and wrote a letter to his brother. They would have to make a few sacrifices, but this did give him an idea. His brother had bought a book for him for his birthday. It was "10,000 Practical Charms and Spells and their applications" and there was a very interesting chapter in there about restoring old furniture and repairing things and then removing the magic from the item. Normally, a repair spell would leave a lasting magical signature, but you could safely dissipate the magic, so that muggle things could be repaired.

"Okay," said Arthur as he sat down with the latest statement from Gringotts. They had 1000 galleons, 89 sickles and 53 knuts in the vault. That was not bad. He did some math and they had just enough galleons, converted to pounds, to rent that storefront in Ottery St. Catchpole for a year. It would be risky, but if his brother would float him a loan for 500 galleons, he could open his repair shop and still have half the money needed for the shop. He just needed to get started. He had already agreed to repair an old Fellyvision for one of his neighbors and it was really easy. He just needed a bit of plastic and metal and when he did the repair spell, the Fellyvision was good as new. His neighbor offered to pay him but he had refused.

He wrote out a plan that he would need. First he would have to put up a wall so no one saw him working on the items in his shop. He would need to have a special muggle repelling ward put up to keep muggles out of the back. That would be no issue as Remus Lupin could probably do that for him. He penned a letter to Remus asking for his advice and help in warding his new shop so that muggles could come in one part but would never think to enter the back.

**Time skip: The next day**

Errol had made it back with the response from his brother and he'd sent him off to seek out Remus Lupin. It was a good thing Errol was in his prime; two flights in a row were nothing to a young owl like him. His brother was intrigued by the idea of repairing muggle things using magic, but warned him that it might not make money. He did not agree to loan him the money but did agree to co-sign so he could borrow the money from Gringotts. He also warned him not to let Molly's Aunt Muriel know. She might not be a pureblood supremacist, but she did look down upon those without magic, both squibs and muggles and would probably look down upon them for such an idea.

**Time Skip: One month later**

The renovations were complete. Arthur had added a wall to the shop between the front counter and his shop area. He had put special shelves on the wall to hold the repaired items and special shelves in the back room to hold the broken items. Remus had, for 50 galleons, applied all the wards he would need for his business, including a special ward for just the back room, to keep muggles out, and ward he invented which would dissipate any magic on an item, once it left the shop. Arthur would have paid him more, but the 50 galleons were all he could spare, so he offered Remus a job.

"It's not much of a job, not as exciting as defense or anything, but it's a job. You basically, will stay up here and take in an item, fill out this form, and take it back to the shop with the form taped to it. We'll be using muggle methods to copy the form, and muggle tape too. We can't use magic for anything except the repairs, so I'll even have a muggle till. What do you think?"

"Well, how much does it pay and will my lycanthropy be an issue?"

"Well, we close at 5 or 6 PM every night, and you can leave before moonrise on those nights. I don't know how much business I'll have so, how about a commission of 5 percent per item repaired that you check in. When I fill out the muggle forms, I'll have a shop fee put down which will be about 15 percent. You get the 5 percent and I get the 10 percent. If you learn some of the spells, you can do the repairs yourself and keep the full 15 percent. How about that?"

"That sounds good."

"Okay then."

And they shook hands. Arthur opened his shop for business the next day, having gotten all the permits and permissions from the council and everything he needed. Within an hour he had four televisions, three microwaves, and six blenders to fix. He started with the simplest repair spells but they didn't work right away, meaning he needed some bits of metal and plastic to repair them. So he took out his bits of metal, and plastic, and cast the spells again and before long, the four televisions, three microwaves, and six blenders were in full working order.

The people who brought them in were amazed. One stopped long enough to comment, "How did you do it? The last repair shop told me that this type of television isn't made anymore and parts are too expensive to justify a repair. So how?"

"I…um…had an old model of that set lying around. It had what was needed and I just put the working parts from the old one in there. It was my wife's before we married. That's why I only charged a parts fee instead of for parts. I don't know how long it will work. It might only last a year or two but hopefully it's worth it."

"Do you buy old appliances too?"

"Sometimes."

"Good, I have an old working microwave but it's too old and not powerful enough. I was going to bin it but if you'll give me…5 pounds?"

"Four"

"Done."

Arthur was used to negotiating. It was a little known fact that Goblins loved to negotiate and haggle. That was the real reason why they disliked wizards so much. To not haggle with a Goblin was to insinuate that the Goblin's price was both his lowest and beneath you, thus implying that the Goblin was beneath you. It had all started with Arthur's brothers. They had negotiated through their childhood so much, it became second nature to them. So when Arthur opened his own vault, he had accidentally negotiated out of habit, and gotten the best deal he could.

**Flashback: **

"To open your vault is a one-time fee of one galleon and five sickles. It will also require at least six knuts per year, if you don't make monthly deposits," said the bored Goblin, "Also you get one percent interest.

"One galleon even, and one knut a year, plus six percent interest."

"One galleon, five knuts a year, and two percent interest," said the Goblin, sounding more intrigued.

"One galleon, two knuts a year, and five percent interest," said Arthur.

"One galleon, four knuts a year, and three percent interest," said the Goblin, a glint in his eye.

"One galleon, three knuts a year, and four percent interest," said Arthur.

"Done, Done and done, and it is a pleasure to see a wizard who compliments us by negotiating," said the Goblin, filling out the parchment quickly. Arthur signed it, and they shook hands. Goblins loved to negotiate.

**End Flashback**

That was how Arthur had gotten the loan for 550 galleons, with three percent interest and a loan processing fee of only one galleon. He had arrived, met his brother, met with the Goblin, sat down and to his brother's horror, started negotiating over the terms of the lone, even managing to get them to agree to 550 galleons for a one galleon processing fee, down from the usual five galleon processing fee.

And then he rented the shop, had it renovated, and hired Remus to do the warding.

**Time Skip: The Boy Who Lived comes in to have a TV repaired – Approximately 4 years later**

The bell jingled like it usually did on a Thursday. Once word had gotten out on just how 'good' at repairs Arthur was, everyone in Ottery St. Catchpole brought him things to repair. It was only one out of every hundred things that he or Remus couldn't repair, and those things he bought, cheap, and used for spare parts. Oh, the repair spells could break down almost anything and reform them into their original shape, size and structure. The only exception was when something was broken and bits were missing; the bits had to be replaced and could not be conjured, because as soon as they left the shop, the item would break again due to the ward that removed the magic. So he used bits of metal, usually buying a small amount of wires and nuts and bolts and the spell would determine the proper metal to use and some different types of plastic because the spell could remold the plastic into the proper type, even if they were of two different types, so long as they were similar, but if they were too different, then magic could not use them to repair one another. He had gone from taking 3 weeks to repair even the most simple of breaks and three months to repair something that wasn't simple to taking an hour to repair most things. But, he kept everything for a week, so the muggles wouldn't get suspicious.

"I'll be right with you. My usual helper is out sick today," called Arthur from the back.

"Take your time," said a gruff voice. Then Arthur heard him say, "Boy, this man is the best repair man there is, you stay here with the TV until your aunt and I come back to get you." Then the bell jingled again.

Arthur, who was having a bit of a snack with his youngest son, told him, "Stay here, and don't touch anything. I have everything color coded so I know which ones have been fixed and which ones I need to repair. I'll be right back and your mum will be here to pick you up in an hour."

Ron nodded and sat down at his father's desk.

Arthur walked out into the front of the shop but only saw a TV on the counter. "Hello?"

"Hello," Arthur heard someone say from down below the TV.

He looked down and there was a 10 year old kid. "Well, what can I do for you," asked Arthur.

"My uncle wants the TV repaired," said the kid, running his fingers through his hair, which flashed the lightning bolt scar. Arthur saw it, but decided not to react.

"Well, let's take a look, shall we?" said Arthur, turning the TV around and seeing that someone had put their foot through it. It was a simple fix. "Okay it's simple enough. It should take about a week," said Arthur.

"Okay," said the boy.

"Okay, so fill out this form so I can check it in," said Arthur. Checking it in basically consisted of the customer filling out a form, name, address, phone number, and then taking the form and giving the customer a copy, pulling out a piece of colored tape, one for each day of the week, and then putting his copy in the binder. Each month had its own binder and at the end of each month, Remus would use magic to copy each month into a magical book, which would allow them to tap the book, say a name, date, and phone number and call up the record. Then they would either vanish the paper, or Arthur would bring the paper home, and use it in their garden as it made good mulch. When he started the business, he had no idea if it would work or if he would lose their home. Now, he was making nearly twice what he made at the ministry, and so was Remus. And best of all, since it was a muggle registered business, the anti-werewolf employment laws did not apply.

So Arthur checked in the TV, and took it back to the back room. He then came back out and said, "I can't give you an exact figure on the repairs, but it should be less than 50 pounds. That is not a guarantee. When is your…uncle coming back for you?" asked Arthur.

"In about an hour or so," said the young boy.

"Okay then, well, you can wait out here. My youngest son is here, so I can send him out here to play with you if you want," said Arthur. He went back into the back. "Ron, there is a young man out there about your age, why don't you go play in the front of the shop with him, and listen to me, Ron, I think he is the Boy-Who-Lived. I absolutely forbid you to mention anything about his scar or anything else. Act like he is a normal boy, you hear me Ronald?" said Arthur, giving Ron a stern look and using his full first name, Ron gulped and then nodded. He would do his best to act as if this kid were just an ordinary boy.

They had a good time playing with ordinary playing cards and pretending they would go boom, in something the redhead, Ron, told Harry was called Exploding Snap. Dudley wouldn't have liked it because it required imagination but he might like it if the cards actually did explode.

**I'm going to end it there. Harry goes home, gets his Hogwarts letter the very next day, and is surprised to meet Ron on the train. There they go on to discuss how Ron's family might not be rich but they never went without, as Ron showed off his robes, proud that his mother made them. After all, she made all kinds of clothes for Madame Malkin. As it turned out Madame Malkin was one of the few seamstresses in the wizard world and had her hands full making clothes for all of Hogwarts. She had tried to hire someone only to discover they were rubbish at sewing spells, for sewing and knitting spells did require some talent for sewing or knitting in order to work properly. Then Molly Weasley walked into her shop to inquire if she could buy some patterns and cloth and make her own robes. So Madame Malkin told her that if she could make a good robe out of some blue cotton she had, she would not only give her the robe she made but also a job. And so, Molly now had a job, sewing and knitting clothes for Madame Malkin, and best of all, she could do it all at home and deliver the goods on Saturday. I never understood, with her talent for knitting, why she didn't at least try to get a job knitting and sewing, at home, so she could stay with the kids. She could teach them in the mornings, and do her sewing and knitting in the afternoons. **

**They aren't super-rich but they are somewhere in the middle class range. **


	9. Chapter 9

**AU 756311003**

**Weasley Crime Family: In this AU, the Weasleys are a mafia family. They loan people money (I know right…) and break bones when said money is not paid back. They offer 'protection' in the form of special wards for many muggle businesses. The protection is a 'Rob-me-not' ward that prevents robbery and the monthly payment is 15 percent of the month's profit. This may not seem like a lot, but that's only for the one ward. If they want protection from other things, they have to pay an additional 5 percent per ward. And then there are the special 'Shop-here-and-buy-stuff' wards that entice muggles to shop at a particular store; that ward is included in the 'Rob-me-not' ward. After all, if the store doesn't make money, Arthur doesn't make money. He is well known among the other mafia families and while he is a newcomer to the game, he has earned himself a reputation for being a fierce and competent rival. One crime boss threatened him and he, his entire family, his enforcers and the rest of his people were found dead the next day. They had no idea how Arthur did it. (It was poison banished into their food from outside of the house.) **

**Oh and before I forget, YES I realize that the threat Professor X made to Wolverine was from the movie and not the comic book, but I'm using it anyway for Vernon's 'punishment' for trying to rat on Arthur. If you don't like it don't read, otherwise, just pretend it was made in the comic book and that's where the movie got it. **

**Anyway, here you go: **

Arthur Weasley was taking his oldest son, Bill, on a visit to some of his clients. It was time for Bill to be introduced to the family business. Arthur Weasley was going to make sure that Bill became a good mafia boss. Of course, his territory would be divided among his 6 sons and one daughter, but each one had to understand how to run their territories, to rule with an iron fist covered in a velvet glove.

Arthur wasn't like other mafia bosses. First of all, he wasn't Italian, so he wasn't one of the old families. However, when he first became a mafia boss, one family, one of the oldest and most powerful families tried to stop him. They were all found dead the next day. This was because Arthur ordered a house elf to make sure a powerful poison that could not be traced by any muggle means was put into all of their food. This cemented Arthur's position as a mafia boss.

Second, he didn't overdo the punishments. It was hard finding the right balance between intimidation and respect but he had the respect of everyone in his territory. Only one man had ever opposed him, until he ended up with both legs and both arms broken. After that, he'd kept a tight rein on things. Each business in his territory would pay for his protection and in addition to his protection, they got a special "Shop-here-and-buy-things" ward. After all, if they didn't make money, neither did Arthur. Eventually, Arthur was able to force the other mafia families out of Great Britain.

The Ministry of Magic didn't really care about his actions. Even though they were supposed to investigate the murders of an entire family, they didn't put that much effort into it.

And of course, Arthur had his legitimate front; he was still a member of the ministry, working in the Muggle Relations Office. As he had several muggleborns as his assistants, he learned quite a bit and eventually, being sick of being sneered at by Malfoy and those stupid death eaters, he became a Mafia Boss. Of course, no one knew this, but when Voldemort came back, the muggle underworld would be a key instrument in fighting him.

Just like they were a key instrument in making sure Harry Potter was safe and happy. When he had finally found Harry, he decided to leave him with the muggles but he sent one of his enforcers to lean on Vernon and make sure that they treated Harry equal to the other kid. Every time they saw Vernon abuse Harry, an enforcer would show up and break one of Vernon's fingers and as Vernon was quite thick, he was down to only one unbroken finger before he gave up and stopped his abuse. Petunia was not as thick and as soon as she saw how serious they were, she stopped the abuse before they broke her fingers. So Harry Potter would grow up with an almost normal life; while they didn't abuse him, they also didn't show him any affection. They were simply neutral toward him; they punished him with appropriate punishment when appropriate and they fed him a normal amount of food and got him his own clothes. Petunia almost had her right arm broken for refusing to buy him new clothes. They were getting a 1500 per month stipend for having an orphan in their home; unbeknownst to them, part of this actually came from the Ministry of Magic.

Anyway, Arthur rarely went to see his 'clients' anymore, preferring to let his enforcers do most of the work. He did make a once-per-year visit to his favorite ones, the ones that always paid on time and kept their mouth shut and when asked by the muggle Please Men, denied everything. Those guys were the ones he gave a little break on, charging them only 12 percent for the Rob-me-not ward and 3 percent for each of additional ward. So he was taking his eldest son to see his five favorite clients, so his son could see the "velvet glove" side of things; afterwards, they would go to see someone who had dared to refuse to pay and was threatening to go to the Please Men. He couldn't have that.

"So Bill, I want you to stand by Smith there and just observe, okay? After we visit the five good clients, we'll go see the stupid one, and then we'll go to see that muggle movie you want to see," said Arthur. Smith nodded to him; he'd keep the kid safe.

And they were off. Today they were traveling the muggle way as Arthur had learned, if he kept magic down to a minimum, the ministry couldn't care less what he did. So they drove for about an hour to the place of his first client. Arthur was going to make sure the guy knew that he was being rewarded for being a good client. "Smith, Johnson, Jacobs, come with me but make sure you stay back. I want to make sure the client knows he is being rewarded because he hasn't ratted me out or hasn't missed a payment."

"Whaddyagonnadoboss" asked Smith. Arthur briefly wondered if Smith was related to Goyle, but shook off that thought as he smacked Smith on the back of the head.

"Smith, I told you to speak properly. I won't have people thinking I have idiots working for me."

"Right boss, so what are you going to do?" said Smith. You didn't piss off Arthur Weasley; people who did had a way of disappearing. And as no one would ever believe the mild mannered blood traitor would ever harm a fly, he knew he wasn't even on the suspect list as far as the Aurors were concerned. However, the muggles knew him for what he was, even though the police couldn't prove anything. After all, there are spells to vanish an entire human body and no body means no proof, especially if you vanish the bullets and you use cleaning spells to remove fingerprints, and memory charm a few muggles to give you an alibi. And, God forbid he should bring out his rubber ducky. You really do not want to know what happens then as it is the stuff of nightmares.

They walked into the office of Dr. and Dr. Granger, two dentists who were under Arthur's protections. At first, they'd been appalled at the idea of letting him protect them, but the stipulations of their student scholarships stated that they had to do dentistry in a poor neighborhood and they'd already been mugged or robbed three times in the same week they opened. When Arthur came to them and offered his protection, they accepted, reluctantly. When the protection worked, they asked about extending it to their flat, which was also in a poor neighborhood as they didn't have much money. So Arthur agreed to give them some extra protection at no additional charge. And it worked. Out of all the homes in their area, theirs was the only one to never be robbed. And once word got out on the street that they were personal friends of his, after having fixed one of his employee's broken teeth and having fixed Bill's teeth when he was younger, no one would dare touch the Grangers or their daughter.

"Thomas, Jeanie, how are my two favorite people?" said Arthur as he walked into their office and greeted the Grangers who were just opening their clinic. They smiled when they realized who it was. At first, their morals would have had them moving out of the poor neighborhood and going straight to the police, but when Arthur explained to them what their daughter's accidents meant, Arthur became practically family, and you don't rat on family. After all, Jeanie had cousins who were in the mafia in the states; and family is family.

The three enforcers sat in the waiting room as Arthur and his son went for a chat with the Grangers. It was time to renew the wards after all. So Arthur renewed the "No-Crime" and "Delayed-tooth-decay" wards. The first one ensured that no one would commit a criminal act while in this clinic; they wouldn't even consider it. The second one ensured repeat customers by making the teeth more susceptible to tooth decay. It didn't make them decay, just made it easier for the teeth to decay. It also made sure that the teeth wouldn't decay for at least six months, sometimes more, after the person left the office, so to make it seem like the Grangers were great dentists, which they were, but no harm in helping them. After all, the more money his clients made, the more money Arthur made, and unlike the other mafia bosses, he could actually help them make money with magic.

So Bill got to see him make nice with the Grangers, and once they were done, they left, driving to another business about ten minutes away. "Bill, I want you to know that you have to make sure that the Grangers keep getting a solid flow of customers. Their dentistry clinic is one of the most profitable of all of my clients. They alone account for twenty-five percent of the monthly take. Plus, they are an example to other clients of what happens when you toe the line and cooperate," said Arthur.

So Bill watched as his dad visited his five best clients, all offering them the usual small talk and not acting like one of the most dangerous men in all of Muggle Great Britain, a man that even the other mafia bosses respected and a man that the police had all but given up on ever convicting due to lack of evidence, especially when witnesses would forget or change their testimony, sometimes even confessing to the crimes they had previously accused Arthur of doing, often on the witness stand. In fact, the police were now beginning to suspect that perhaps Arthur was simply a man with an enormous amount of horrible luck to be accused of those crimes only to be exonerated; they were just lucky that Arthur Weasley chose to forgive them every time.

The last client they visited was the Dursley household. Vernon Dursley thought that, with the encouragement of his sister and to the horror of his wife, if he testified to the police about Arthur's identity, he could be rid of the freak, be rid of Arthur, and he could finally go back to having a normal life, with a bit on the side in the form of his new secretary. Unfortunately, as said before, Vernon Dursley is quite thick and did not realize that Arthur Weasley had magic and could kill him and vanish the body and all evidence and even create new memories in everyone.

Arthur rang the doorbell. He wasn't by nature a vindictive man, but when it came to kids, he took pleasure, true pleasure, in making sure that any of his clients who harmed children paid dearly for it. After all, he and Molly both loved children and that's why they had a large family. That and their Mormon beliefs which motivated them toward a large family.

Anyway, when Vernon answered the door, the no-longer obese man nearly wet himself in fear, and he might have let a drop or two escape when he saw the malicious, dangerous grin on the man's face.

"Mr. W-Weasely…w-wont you come i-in?" stammered Vernon, "W-we were just s-sitting down to s-supper. W-won't you j-join us?" Ever since Arthur Weasely threatened to turn Vernon into a permanent soprano, Vernon had developed a stutter, which only showed itself around Arthur or one of his employees. This was because Ripper, Marge's most beloved dog, had barked at Arthur and bit one of his employees. Arthur was very protective of his employees and, well, the dog died, and it wasn't painless. Vernon had to change the carpet to get rid of the stains.

"No, Vernon, no no. Vernon, we've come to discuss a serious matter. You have done something very wrong, and I cannot have that. You've gone to the authorities and told on me. My but this is very bad for you. I have been lenient on you these few years because of your family but I am afraid that you have crossed the line. So, Vernon, you will spend the rest of your days convinced that you are a 13-year old girl. I will give you a minute to say goodbye," said Arthur, in a cold voice. Vernon could not run because, not only were Arthur's Enforcers stationed at each exit, but Arthur had put up wards that would prevent anyone leaving.

He'd gotten the idea for the punishment from a comic book that his youngest son Ronald loved to read. In it, a muggle with strange mind powers threatened to make it so that one of his associates would spend the rest of his life convinced he was a 13-year old girl if he didn't obey the house rules. Arthur took out his wand and put Vernon under a full body bind, then levitated him to the couch. He then used a combination of charms, curses, and legilimency to rebuild Vernon's mind into that of a 13 year old girl. It wasn't much difficult as he had used a pensieve to observe the memories of some of his female employees when they were 13 years old, so he simply constructed a basic premise based on that. Oh, it wouldn't hold up under muggle psychotherapy but, when the therapist managed to break the premise, Vernon would be left without an identity and less than half of his memories. Specifically, the memories of Arthur Weasley and Vernon's family would be permanently erased. Vernon would never remember his wife or his son.

When he was done, he bid Vernon farewell, and briefly spoke to Petunia, who was relieved. "I'll send him to an appropriate place as soon as I can," she stated, the relief evident.

Vernon was an abusive prick, even when he was forced to control himself. Because he couldn't abuse Harry, he abused everyone, including Petunia and Dudley and he abused his subordinates at work. It's actually a good thing that Vernon had this happen to him because Vernon was about to be fired from Grunnings for his abuse. Petunia would construct the premise of an accident causing memory loss and take Vernon to the hospital in the morning. She had asked Arthur to make it look like Vernon had the appropriate injury to make it feasible that he hit his head and went bananas, which Arthur was only too happy to allow Bill to provide. This would put Vernon on disability and as his wife, she would get the full pension for Harry as well as a pension for Vernon being disabled.

**Well there you go. Mild Mannered, blood traitor, kind, decent, never-hurt-a-fly Arthur Weasley as a Mafia Crime Boss. I thought it was an interesting premise. What do you think? Anyway, Harry goes to school, is a much better, student and makes friends with Ronald Weasley who is friends with Hermione Granger. Ironically, they make friends with both Neville and Draco, and they all end up having adventures as the Golden Five, much to Dumbledore's consternation. Further thwarting of Dumble's plans are when he finds out Vernon is no longer in the house to abuse Harry. Without Vernon there to abuse Harry, Dumbledore must find another source of abuse. So he immediately thinks of Dolores Umbridge, a nasty, evil woman who would not hesitate to abuse Harry Potter. So he makes plans to place Harry with Dolores, only to have them fall through when, the day before school ends, he finds out that she was on vacation in South America and was eaten by piranha. Those poor piranha, how they suffered before they died.**

**So he has no choice but to send Harry to his non-abusive Aunt's home. Harry would be trained by Arthur and his employees and when Voldemort returned, he would use every single trick in the book and defeat him before his sixth year and destroy the horcruxes that summer, much to Dumbledore's chagrin. Further adding to Dumbledore's frustrations, that Skeeter woman somehow found out, word-for-word, his plans to have Harry abused, have Harry see him as a rescuer, and then have Harry willingly lay down his life and die to defeat Voldemort and then use his position as Chief Warlock to seize the Potter fortune and Wizengamot seats, and use them to expand his own power. Needless to say, this got him dismissed from his posts, including his post as Headmaster, and he had to move back to his cottage, defeated and with no power and influence and completely stripped of everything.**

**So he decided to take what little money he had left, after the ministry fined him for his crimes, and go to South Africa to start a new life, only to be eaten by a rabid Nundu, which promptly died of indigestion. Poor Nundu. **


	10. Chapter 10

**AU: 6660666**

**Okay, this was inspired by The Many Harry Potters of Little Hangleton, Chapter 35: Umbridge Harry. This expands that chapter a bit. **

Dolores Umbridge was dressed in her best Muggle outfit. Unlike other witches and wizards, she kept up with the fashions of the Muggles. This was ironic because she felt nothing but contempt for them as she considered them little better than filthy animals. In fact, she considered them to _be_ filthy animals, lower than half-breeds who at least had the decency to have magic.

The reason she was going into the Muggle world was to retrieve the Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter. It would not do to have him raised by those filthy animals. She could just imagine how he would show up to school, nearly naked, covered in filth, probably his own filth, not knowing how to use a magical toilet, or how to use a wand, and possibly even thinking that magic wasn't real. It disgusted her to no end to think of that poor baby in the hands of filthy animals.

She finally found the address after being dropped off at the wrong house by the Knight Bus. She was going to have to speak to the Minister to get that driver fired, or at least better trained. She rang the bell. At least these people seemed to have the decency to have a nice yard, with nice pink flowers. Maybe they weren't all that bad.

Then the fat tub of lard opened the door. Circe, he smelled like bacon, probably due to the greasy bacon he was munching on.

"Yes, may I help you?" he grunted.

"Ah, yes, my name is Dolores Umbitc…Umbridge and I am here to pick up Harry Potter to take into my custody," said Dolores.

"Oh, so you freaks finally decided to show up and take the little snot off our hands?" said the tub of lard. He let out a large fart, then said, "You can come in and get him and take him and I will wash my hands of the little piece of sh-"

"VERNON!" screeched a horse-like woman, "Do not swear in front of our guest. Now, Mrs. Umbitch, I presume?"

"It is Madam Umbridge" said Dolores as she crinkled her nose at the smell of Lardo's fart, "I am here to pick up and take Harry Potter into my custody."

"Very good, just sign these papers, and it will all be square. I will go get him now," said Horsey. Thankfully, they hadn't put him in the cupboard yet; instead they had stuck him in the smallest bedroom for a while.

As soon as Horsey left the room, Lardo tried to flirt with her. As if she would consider even dating a fat tub of lard, much less one that was a filthy muggle. He also farted 3 times more while trying to appear debonair and alluring. I was all she could do to keep her breakfast down as the last fart smelled like he had pooped in his pants. Judging from the red look on his face, he just might have done so. That was just disgusting. But then again, what could you expect from filth? She expected that he did it on purpose, probably some primitive attempt to attract a mate. Ugh.

As soon as Petunia entered the room with Harry and a bag of his baby things, which was just a blanket, and some diapers, she took Harry, held him close, and disapparated straight to her house. Petunia would have kept the diapers but they were too small for Dudley. She then looked at her husband and smelled what he did and shook her head.

**AT UMBITC...UMBRIDGE COTTAGE: **

"Snozzy" she called for her house elf.

"Yes Missus Ummy," said the older female house elf.

"I have a baby here, Harry, and I need your help to take care of him. Go and get some baby things, start with a baby bed, some toys and then get a few clothes. Here is my key. Make sure that you get a receipt for everything as usual. Oh, and I will have to go into the town to get some baby food," said Dolores. The Muggles might be animals, at least in her mind, but they did know how to make good clothes, and they knew how to make baby food. Wizard baby food you had to make yourself, in a cauldron, with a specialized mortar to grind it up. And you couldn't use magic to do so. As if she would spend hours grinding up food into a paste to feed to a baby, especially when the muggles do so already.

So she put on her very best muggle coat, which was a depressing gray as they didn't have it in bright Pepto Bis…er pink, her favorite color. Almost everything she owned was a bright Pepto…pink. Anyway, she walked down to the store and when she saw all the flavors of baby food she couldn't decide which one to get, so she got one of each and two of the Brussel sprouts and broccoli flavors, her favorites. She would then make a note of which ones Harry liked and which ones he refused to eat and which ones he would eat but didn't like as much. She wasn't cruel after all; it wasn't like she would force him to write in his own blood or something. A muggle coughed in store on the next aisle, sounding like he was trying to hide the word 'foreshadow' or something. Muggles were weird.

**FAST FORWARD TO HARRY AT 5 YEARS OLD: **

Harry was dressed in his very favorite blue sailor suit with his black shoes with the shiny buckles. Because he and his Mummy lived in a muggle area, he had to go to pre-school with the filthy animals. His Mummy and his Uncle Cornelius instructed him to never refer to them as filthy animals directly and to pretend that they were just as good as witches and wizards, especially good citizens like Lucius Malfoy and Mr. MacNair, Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle, all of whom worked with his Mummy and his Uncle Cornelius. Of course, his mummy thought that Mr. Goyle and Mr. Crabbe were quite stupid unlike his smart and handsome Uncle Cornelius, who for some reason liked to wrestle with his Mummy in her bed on Saturday and Sunday morning with no clothes on. Harry just assumed it was because adults were weird. His friend Draco said that his mummy and daddy liked to wrestle with no clothes on as well and always yelled at him whenever he caught them. Draco said it was a thing that mummies and daddies did because they were adults and therefore weird. After that, he came home and called Uncle Cornelius 'Daddy' for the first time and that seemed to make his Mummy happy but upset Uncle Cornelius, so Uncle Cornelius explained to him why he had to call him Uncle Cornelius, but only at his Mummy's house. Anywhere else, he was Senior Undersecretary Fudge, who would be sworn in as Minister next year.

**FAST FORWARD TO HARRY – AGE 8: **

Harry Potter-Umbridge was mad. Under his Mother's strict discipline he had learned to control his Potter temper, and to always keep a cool head, but now he was seeing red. A filthy muggle boy in his class had called his Mother fat, and said she looked like a toad. That fat lard of a boy who sat in class in front of him farting all day and making him sick from the smell was now calling him a smelly freak, saying that HE smelled like fart. Now Harry saw red and then he heard a pop and the fat lard of a boy was hanging from a tree by his trousers that were ripped open to show brown streaks on his whiteish briefs. And a large brown something slid out of his pants into his fat face and then onto the ground. Now everyone, even his friends looked sick.

"DURSLEY!" screamed one of the teachers, thankfully one that didn't fawn over the lard boy, "What do you think you are doing…oh…that's just…Potter-Umbridge go get the janitor," said Mr. Smythe.

After that, citing the danger of bodily fluids and bullying, Dolores Umbridge showed up at her son's school to officially withdraw him and hire a private tutor for him. She would have done so when he was younger but she felt that he needed to see first-hand just how primitive and filthy the muggle animals were.

After the humiliation of being known as Dudley PantsPooperton, Dudley would become a better person, and grow up to be a good man, as unlike his father as possible. He would go on to become an Officer in the Royal Air Force and retire as an Air Commodore.

**FAST FORWARD TO FIRST YEAR: **

"Before we begin our feast, I have just a few words to say, Nitwit, Blubber, Oddment, Tweak!" said the Headmaster.

"Senile old bat," muttered Potter under his breath. He was in Ravenclaw, just as his Mother wanted him to be. That insolent hat tried to argue with him that he should go to Gryffindor or Slytherin, but his Mother had been insistent that he be a Ravenclaw. His Mother had been a Slytherin and often used her cunning to help his Uncle Cornelius, who had been in Hufflepuff. He still didn't understand why his Uncle Cornelius couldn't be his Father, but it was because he was apparently married to someone who was not his Mother.

**Okay, I'm going to end it right here and let your imagination take you on a quite terrifying ride into the mind of a Harry Potter that was raised by Dolores Umbit…Umbridge. How he would resist Dumbledore's attempts to mold him into a weapon and how he would probably look down at Ron for being poor and Hermione for being muggleborn, and basically be a male version of his mother. Instead of wearing Pepto Bismal pink, he wears blue, because boys wear blue and girls wear pink. He also wears a sailor suit, because that is what I imagine his mother drilling into his head that 'GOOD' little boys have to wear sailor suits. **

**Do a search for "The Many Harry Potters of Little Hangleton" and read chapter 35. VivyPotter did a brilliant job writing the chapter and really the whole series. **

**Proofread by Jostanos. **


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